There are alot of hard things about being a nanny. I won't list them, because most of them are pretty obvious.
There's one thing, however, that took me off guard. I didn't see it coming, and I have no idea how to fix it, but it really is a BIG problem.
The Mom Clique.
This might be specific to Utah Valley, but mom's are freaking cliquey. There are cool moms (the ones that started a preschool in their basement, and have husbands coaching local teams, and match their kids everyday) and the not cool moms (the ones that wear pajamas, the ones that don't color coordinate, the ones that work, the ones that aren't moms at all but are actually "nannies").
At first I thought I was paranoid. It seemed like I was being treated like "the help." And the more I noticed, the more I felt like a maid. Like it didn't matter what my name was.
Then, I saw some proof:
I know I use the term "nanny" in this blog; however, no one in the family I work for does. They call me "babysitter." The boys don't EVER use the word nanny, and neither do the parents. And yet....all the kids in the neighborhood call me "nanny," and the only place they could possibly get it from is their parents.
I've introduced myself to all of these moms as Brooke. I correct the kids and say "Oh, you can call me Brooke. I'm Keegan and Jacob's friend, I get to play with them every day," because nanny almost sounds like a cuss word around here.
It's not even so much the term, as the vibe I get from it. I'm the help. I'm working for a family that doesn't have a stay-at-home-mom, so they must be bad parents.
One day Keegan and I were stuck in traffic and couldn't make it on time to get Jacob from the bus stop. I knew he'd be sitting there, stressed out, thinking I'd forgotten him. I called a bunch of other moms, trying frantically to get one to go get him and hold on to him for ten minutes while i made it home. I called 5 moms, finally one called me back and said she could snag him along with her own kids.
I know for a fact all of those moms were home, and could've answered. They're all stay-at-home moms, and all their cars were home when we drove by.
I need a support system! I HAVE to be friends with these women! Jacob and Keegan are already a little socially repressed, and this isn't going to help. If they don't know me, all they can do is look at my weird hair/clothes and know that I'm PAID to be here, and then not let their kids play with the kids I watch.
Of course, there are moms on the other side who when I say "lets have a playdate" come and drop their kids of without so much as a hello, like I'm the neighborhood babysitter.
Either way you treat me like the help, ignoring me or using me, I don't appreciate it. And I don't know how to break through this barrier. It's making me depressed.
2 comments:
You're not making this up. I see it all of the time (I'm one of the evil "working moms")
Even though I have a home office, my kids still go to a sitter (I don't like to call it daycare like you don't like to be called the nanny...Tynna is like my sister now, and in no way is her house like a daycare for my kids.) We also have neighbors who have a full-time "nanny" (who I love and actually am good friends with.)
I have other moms all of the time make comments or ask ignorant questions about our situation or about the neighbors' situation to which I usually respond somewhat sarcastically and defensively. It is so hard.
The one thing I have noticed in the last few years is that when it warms up, things tend to be a lot better. All of a sudden, kids will be outside playing, the moms usually hang out and visit, and you will start to get to know who is actually cool and who really is just a pain. Sit and visit with them and encourage the kids to play outside with the other kids. Hopefully it will help, I have noticed our neighbors are a lot nicer after a few afternoon visits outside.
And even though you feel used, if the moms keep sending their kids over to play, everntually they will feel bad and maybe try to be nice. I don't know, there are some pretty snotty moms out there, but maybe they'll figure it out that the kids you watch are just as happy and cared for (if not better cared for) as their own.
Good luck, Brook! Welcome to the politics of motherhood.
Work on the "mom clique" one at a time. Like the one who actually called you back. Try to get to be her friend. Let her know how much you appreciated her help when you were in a bind and offer to reciprocate. All you can do is keep trying. I am a mom and I have worked years to be accepted by the "cool moms" not a part of but accepted. Some moms are just plain rude. All you can do is keep inviting and when you do a playdate make it at a park. Volunteer to bring snacks and ask the other mom to bring water for the kids. That might make her sit and stay. Good Mommy!
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