I use the word 'erotic' in this post. Now you want to read it.

What is more awkward than a hot dentist? Answer: nothing.

Imagine you are me. As me, you are really good at hitting on men. You fear regret more than rejection. Based on that logic you will ask out guys WAY beyond your league (physically), which they are usually so surprised by they say yes. It works well for you.

Now imagine you recently became single. Are you imagining it? Does your chest hurt? Do you feel nauseated? Good, good. Focus on that.

So you go to the Dentist, because your teeth haven't been looked at by a professional in at least two years and theres a good chance the little suckers have fled to Mexico by now, and there he is. He goes by Lyle, and despite what you'd think for a dental assistant named Lyle, he is hot. He smiles and touches your leg. He makes a joke. Flirting. The glory!

You're wearing your old jeans and a The Who t-shirt. You rode your bike there. Not ideal, but hey you gotta work with what you've been given.

Knowing Lyle is coming back soon, you pull out Palm Sunday by Kurt Vonnegut and put on your intellectual face, which is strangely close to your highly-medicated face, but whatever you've got the face going on.

Walks up. Conversation. He mentions he wants to get back into the classics. You, being a severe book worm -which has only recently been helping you romantically- pull out Crime and Punishment (you always have a second book with you, and it is always a different genre. Occasionally you'll have a book of poetry, too. You carry lots of stuff around, is what I'm getting at)

Here is your chance! Offer to let him borrow it! Write your name in it first, so that he can't steal it (ha ha I jest! I am clever and attractive!), put your phone number in it too so he can call you when he is finished. Maybe he can return it over candles on a beach somewhere, whatever works for him!

and then...back to the reason for the visit...the fitting of the mold...Lyles beautiful fingers hidden by latex... now in your mouth... its really on the fence if this is getting erotic or just ruining the mood...

Ruining the mood. You chicken out. You go home with two books and no prospects.

You are weak.
You buy a chess set and play two games against yourself. You get schooled.

Happy Wednesday.

Crazy like me: The Later Years

For those of you that responded to my 'crazy like me' post, thank you very much. I've never thought of myself as one easily swayed by the crowd, and I did not think my blog post was revealing as much, but maybe it did.

Some of your responses were about being strong and holding true to myself, something I have never considered a problem. In retrospect, however, I have been held in the mercy of those around me before. An ex boyfriend of mine is the one that took me to get my septum pierced (paid for it, too). When I am around Kristina the pitch of my voice goes up a solid octave. Even living with Nikki has made small differences. High heels, for one.

I've officially retained an apartment in Carriage Cove. I'll have my own room but share a bathroom with another girl. They are 22, 24, and 29 I believe. I think living with people I don't know will be best. And having my own space is DEFINITELY a wise choice. Deciding on a place to live has gotten me all excited about the next couple of months, which I really need.

Suddenly not having a license or a boyfriend means I'm not in the best of moods as of late.

Its ok, though. Sam (my boss who I hate) bought me a bike lock yesterday! A very nice gesture from a very annoying man.

Crazy like me

Since I am going back to school in January, I have been thinking about what I will be doing with my life. What will I be studying? Where will I be living? Will I be friends with all the same people? Do I want to repeat anything I did two years ago or just start fresh?

Last time I was at BYU I had a rolicking good time. I had an awful time. I've never felt more in control/focused/intelligent. I've never been so lost/insane/incoherent. It would be easy to ignore the bad stuff but since they are the reasons I withdrew from school, that would be a huge mistake.

I lived with a couple of girls who were like me. We listened to music just written for us. We cut each others hair. We terrified everyone. We layered ourselves in lace and ribbons and ripped fabrics and let flitted around campus like butterflies of death. We each had severe issues, ranging from panic disorders to manic depression, but huge strengths as well, like artistic ability and humor. We found comfort in being with equals.

The comfort is still there; however, I have been wondering how much of a help it really was. Did I get crazier because of my crazy friends? It definitely didn't start with them, since my first group of friends were the nicest group of Molly Mormons you ever did see.

The same group that later alienated me and treated me like a leper when things started getting harder, and when I needed them most.

Thats when I found the girls who were crazy like me. Sweet relief. We were more normal than anyone else at that school. We were the Sylvia Plaths, Emily Dickinsons, Marilyn Monroes, Judy Garlands. Feared, loved, amazing, not appreciated. Sisters of the brain. Strangers.

I miss it, but I fear it. Would anything be better than the stasis? The stasis that has been my life the past year or so? No goals, no moving forward, no inspiration or motivation. These past months have shaped me into being the person I am going to be much more than those few months at BYU, and I am not sure that is for the best.

thoughts thoughts. give me your thoughts. Even if you are a stranger, I want to know.

Quote of the day

This says alot about me, and how other people view me.


A concern voiced earlier by the boy I am dating:

"I wonder when the day is going to come when you really weird me out, and with what"




Honestly, I have been wondering the same thing.

Tim Curry

As I was speaking to a fleshbearded man in my life, I mentioned Tim Curry and was met with nothing. He didn't even recognize the name. Really? REALLY? YOU- YOU READING THIS RIGHT NOW, do you know who tim curry is?

HALT.

Let me just stop you right there. Since I know almost everyone who reads this blog is Mormon, I won't get too upset about none of you knowing his amazing portrayal of Dr. Frank-n-Furter in Rocky Horror Picture Show, or as the terrifying daughter in that one Tales of the Crypt episode about the salesman (which is the first time I saw his buggy eyes and evil smile).

However; since most of you are Mormon I WILL NOT stand for your ignorance of his many mormon-friend roles.

-the hotel manager in Home Alone 2
-Rooster in the musical Annie
-Long John Silver in Muppet Treasure Island
-the butler in Clue
-the evil Cardinal in Three Musketeers


COME ON! Those are movies I know we have all seen. Now that I think of it, Tim Curry was a huge part of my childhood. I don't know if I can ever be with a man who can't appreciate everything he has done in shaping me as a person.

Admit it. You love him.

hey thanks guys

I don't know if Jordan or Craig are even aware that I blog, but I feel like I should have a little online high five for them.

HEY CRAIG
Thanks for letting me use your bike to get to work. Thanks for helping me get new tires that one time. Thanks for buying me dinner. Thanks for not making fun of me too much for the alien encounter I had, even though you think its total bull.


HEY JORDAN
thanks for driving me to the airport. Twice. Thanks for listening to my random thoughts. Thanks for not calling me psycho even when I really deserve it. Thanks for sweeping. Thanks for the Thai food.

here is an online high five for my new boss, who I dislike.

HEY SAM
Thanks for your korean rap music that you play in the back room. Thanks for sometimes shaking things up with a Hillary Duff single. Thanks for patting my head whenever you don't understand something sarcastic I say, it really helps me like you more. Thanks for throwing your hands up and yelling, five or six times a day, for reasons I have yet to discover. Thanks for being in the store 50 hours a week but not being helpful at all.

THE END.

Fun Story, guys.

Real fun, extra fun.

So this morning I wake up and I see my clock says 6:24. Did I push snooze? Crap, I am opening the store today! I need to be there in six minutes!


I flee the house. It is cold and dark outside, as usual. I climb into my car, don't buckle my seatbelt, and try not to think about the fact that my license is suspended (different fun story for a different fun time).

How irresponsible do I sound right now, by the way? Lock away your impressionable young men. Brooke Schroeder is in town and she is breaking all sorts of state laws.

On the way I get pulled over, and I realize that not putting on eyeliner or perfume (or a seatbelt) really killed my chances of my car NOT getting impounded right now.

Two cops pop out, and I haven't seen either of them before. They must be new, since I've been pulled over a grand total of 6 times while living in Lincoln, and since Jamba Juice is the new donut shop. Cops Galore.

Heres another fun realization: IT WAS TWO THIRTY IN THE MORNING, NOT SIX THIRTY.

I woke up FOUR HOURS EARLY FOR WORK.
The policemen believed me that I had no idea what time it was, and that I was a sweet little girl who just wanted to make smoothies and sunshine and rainbows and sing John Denver music. They didn't mention my lack of insurance or lack of a seatbelt, but they verbally abused me for the whole suspended license thing, which I totally deserved.

After returning to work at the correct time (driven by a friend,) I spent the day trying not to kill my boss. I can't really explain how much I dislike him, but I can say that he is one of those people who thinks its hilarious to put out their finger like they are going to poke you but they never actually touch you they just get really close. Yeah. That happened all day today.

I'm now sitting at home trying to get through to a DMV in San Diego, and planning my finances around several fix it tickets.

So that was my day. How about yours? Bad? Really? You sure? Didn't think so.

This kid i know

Pictures from my weekend, from the freakin' sweet camera Mom got me.
Warning: these pictures are adorable. Don't look at them if you are alone and bitter.

Bizarre Politics

As of late I've become a fan of entertaining/strange political events/stories/people. This election has been a letdown for me in that sense, and in the sense that I still don't know who to vote for. Its hard for me to commit to one candidate when I dislike them both, for reasons I have no desire to go into. The VPs are the same. Biden is a little attack dog, and I hate him. Palin is adorable, but just because I would go to the mall with her doesn't mean I would vote for her.

Onward.

Today, the topic for enlightenment will be The Black Sheep of a Political Family.

Must I really mention Tony and Hugh Rodham? Their $118 million dollar schemes with russian mobsters really didn't help out poor ol' Hillary. We'll blame them for her failed race to the White House. They are why she didn't win. Sure.

Maybe it is an American tradition to have embarassing brothers. Back in the day Jimmy Carter's brother, Billy, pulled down his fly and urinated on the tarmac while waiting for a plane full of foreign dignitaries and reporters. He proudly referred to himself as a "real southern boy...red neck, white socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer". (Thats a direct quote)

Lyndon Johnson had the same problem, but didn't wait around for a disaster to ruin things before he took office. The secret service kept his brother under White House Arrest in the months leading up to his election.(He had a bad habit of accepting too many drinks from incognito reporters in local bars, who would then ply him for embarassing stories, dirty secrets, shameful anecdotes, what have you.)

Last but definitely not least, Uday Hussein definitely wins Problem Child Of The Century award. Uday murdered his daddy's (Saddam Hussein) personal assistant and old friend, Kamal Hana Gegeo, at a state party. The murder weapon was an electric carving knife.

The Rodham family looks pretty good now, huh?

Hooray for learning! GO WATCH THE NEWS.