Nanny

I just had a phone interview with a family in Lehi that has two boys, 5 and 3. It went really well, and I'm feeling really peaceful and happy about it.

Why nanny, you may ask. Why nanny when you're a smart girl, you've had successful desk jobs that make you bank, you could do this or that or blah blah blah...

Answer: I hated my desk job. I loved being a nanny. I liked watching a person grow and learn because I helped them! I LOVED watching kids gain my good traits, and was humbled when they gained my bad ones. I want to be a mom one day, and since I was the baby of my family being a nanny is the best training I've ever had.

Yes, I think I'll nanny.

She wanted to stop reading it... but she had NOTHING BETTER TO DO!

p.s. note to self- make sure to compare top ten of 2009 list with chris here

UPDATE

I'm still with Mancandy and we're doing AWESOME.

I'm not going back to school in January, but I'm currently looking for sponsors. If anyone believes in my writing enough to pay for tuition, please do so. Unfortunately I kick BUTT at all things english, but I blow at everything else, so I lost my eligibility for FAFSA. If I found someone who could get me back in school, I'd promise to maintain a solid GPA not to mention I'd dedicate my first book to you.

I'm still working at Sammy's and living in a pretty awesome ward. I'm trying to find a job as a nanny since they make BANK in Utah, but even then I cannot afford tuition on my own.

I'm an English major, with my overall goal being a Masters in Creative Nonfiction at BYU.

I'm still in San Diego for some Christmas fun with the fam, but soon I'll be heading back to Mancandy for some New Years dancing!

P.s. I love that my entire family, including both sets of grandparents, call him Mancandy. No one even knows his name. Hahahhaha. So fun.

It's Christmas

and Kristina and I have to be in love, since Calee and Nikki are both sporting very shiny rocks on very important fingers.


Look how awesome my shaved head is growing in, by the way.

No, I don't

Every since I can remember I have really not liked the song "Do you hear what I hear?"


Why?


Because of this line: A child, a child, shaking in the cold, let us bring him silver and gold! Let us bring him silver and gold!

I distinctly remember being like 8 years old and thinking "How about a child a child shaking in the cold, let us bring him some blankets and hot chocolate? Just me? Am I the only one that doesn't understand the gift logic? K whatever. I'm 8."

SNOW!

So much of it! Everywhere! Glorious. And cold.

to do:
-Shovel driveway (hooray! I've always wanted to do that!)
-Buy ice scraper/snow brusher thing
-do not die on the road
-try to keep everyone and their mother from tracking snow through the entire house
-find presents! I am the worst shopper ever.

Oh December in Utah. You're strange to me.

Roommates

I'm annoyed with my current living situation. The two girls upstairs don't really like me. One of them is moving out, and I was HOPING to get my dear friend Kayla to move into her contract, but she sold it too soon nd now some random person is going to move in up there.

Since the OTHER girl upstairs realllyyyyy doesn't like me either (which she made obvious by walking down to my room one day, shouting "WHY DID YOU PARK LIKE THAT" then ran upstairs going "fine, no, don't move it, don't move it, whatever that's so inconsiderate".) Not kidding. Freaking drama. I moved my car and felt awful all day long.

.........annyywaaayssss...what was I saying? oh yeah. Since the other girl upstairs doesn't like me that means she is going to pollute the new roommate against me. My only ally is the girl who lives in the room next to mine, but she is never there. I really like my house and my ward, but I hate the tension.

Yeah, some of it is my fault. But I have gone OUT OF MY WAY to apologize, to not step on anyone's toes, to be honest.

I seriously got this text when trying to apologize for my parking: "Whatever, it doesn't matter. I'm moving just like you wanted"

To which I said "Seriously? Don't be like that. I'm apologizing."


I HATE GIRLS.

The rumors are true

there is a sammy's music video.
and it is super ghetto.
enjoy here

Hair Pics

Beating up stereo equipment

With Mancandy

While Dancing

Please watch

Look at the Schultz Family

This is my sister Nikki and her beautiful family. I am in love with these engagement shots.



Check out the rest here
Three cheers for love, and little girls.

p.s. I make everyone listen to a knock knock joke Taylen left on my voicemail and no one thinks it is as funny as I do.

p.p.s. Nikki I don't know how else to expound on the dress! I'm a fan. That's about it. Can't wait to see what you do with it- then I'm sure I'll have more to say

Buzzcuutttt

Don't tell, but I shaved the side of my head last night.


shhhhhhhhhh!


Trust me, it looks good.
Extra good.

Laptop

Hey ya'll

I probably won't blog for a bit since I sold my laptop today. It was about 3& 1/2 yrs old, cracked top, didn't play DVDs, ran so slow, turned off randomly, aka I was over it.

Sold it to a guy who fixes up computers. I'm hoping I can also sell this little laptop my parents randomly had laying around the house, and that with those sales combined I can buy a semi-decent laptop.


The thing is, I hate laptop shopping.
Thoughts? Anyone have a laptop they absolutely LOVE and think I would love too? Do you hate your laptop and want to warn me?

Let me know.

wedding craze

I don't know if you knew this or not, but my family consists of 4 girls. We're all unmarried. We are all in our 20's. One of us recently got engaged.

THEREFORE, all sorts of hypothetical "at MY wedding" situations are being discussed and secretly planned. Flowers/rings/bridesmaid dresses/reception themes/to shove the cake in the face or not (I'm on the NOT side. Future husband: If you push cake into my face you will be my future ex-husband in a second. I'm fun-loving and silly but no one is smearing cake onto this free-spirited bride).

Honestly I've never really thought about it. At all. Except for the cake thing. I'm totally serious about that. Don't do it.

So, I figured I'd start with what that really kicks off all the madness: the ring.

After a little investigating, I've discovered a few things I really enjoy.

I love micropave, and I love sapphire/emerald stones. I'm firmly anti-thick bands. I'm borderline anti-diamonds.

Nikki's thick-banded-diamond-party ring is gorgeous, but the exact opposite of what I'd want.

Ideally- freakishly thin, dainty band with micro-diamonds, then a fat oval emerald/sapphire (and I mean FAT) with micropave all around it.

Think this, only simpler:

What do you guys think? I know my sisters probably have thoughts. Holler.

Oh Joyous Day

My mother put money on my school ID card a while back, it's been at least 8 months or so, and it turns out I still have like 6 bucks on there! It's like winning the lottery! What a happy thing.

On the downside, my cold is only getting worse, and if it ends up being swine flu I'll punch someone.

On another downside, finding a job is hard.

Have an eventful day,
Brooke


p.s. I'm purposefully ignoring all the mancandy comments. If you haven't noticed yet, I am an enigma within a riddle within a maze within a sweater vest and I'm bipolar and young and irresponsible. GET USED TO THE INCONSISTENCIES, PEOPLE.

I'm alive

I feel like I haven't blogged in a while, so here is a quick update.


I AM INCREDIBLY SICK. SO SO SICK. I can't breathe, I am SO SNOTTY, my head is killing me, and I can't talk much since my throat is covered in glass and barbed wire.

Also, I quit my dayjob. Financially? Bad move. Personally, wise choice. I discovered that I am NOT one of those people who can sit behind a desk all day. Food service and retail are WAY more fun. You get to talk to alot of people and that's what I need. People.

Granted paying rent this month is going to be a bit tricky, but we'll talk about that later.

On the plus side, Kristina Rae is comin to play this weekend. Hopefully she can squeeze in some Brooke time. My eyebrows are lookin pretty good, so that's something. Oh and guess who is sitting with me right now?

Mancandy.
It is pleasant.

Have a good day! If I get my caramel apples, I know I will :)

CarAmEl

OHAAAAAAAI


So I entered a goodie giveaway on my sister Nikki's blog and knew I had very little chance of winning. A crapload of mommy bloggers go to that site every day and I knew tons of people would be entering.

My mom, being the sweet lady that she is, knew the same thing and pitied me. She knows its been a rough few weeks and didn't want to see me cry when I didn't win, so she bought me a caramel apple and shipped it here! Sweet woman!

Turns out though, I TOTALLY WON.

That's right people.
I am RICH with caramel apples. I'm going to get the craziest sugar high of all time and climb a mountain.

You know what this is?
Karma.

Wanna know why?
A drunk guy pushed a friend of mine last night, and then I punched him in the face. And pushed him outside and told him "NEVER COME BACK" with a mean face and pointed finger. THEN EVERYONE APPLAUDED. TRUE STORY. THAT CRAP TOTALLY HAPPENS IN REAL LIFE AND IT HAPPENED TO ME! YOU CAN WIN GIVEAWAYS! YOU CAN BEAT UP MEAN GUYS! DREAMS COME TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy

I can tell I'm happy when:

- I'm reading alot
- I'm dancing whenever I hear a tune
- I'm cooking
- My room is spotless
- baby animals make me go "aaawwwwhhhh!"
- I don't hate John Malkovich as much as normal
- I'm putting on weight and LOVIN' IT
- I've been giving away things (cookies, clothes, rides, etc)
- Utah really doesn't seem that bad.

p.s. lust

McSweeney's garage Sale

If you love me, go here


$5 dollar goodness. Just sayin'

Oh dear

this is his official album cover

Forgiveness

I finally had the opportunity to say some things to a person who really hurt me. I kinda let loose on him, actually.

Then, of course, I got an incredibly heartfelt apology in return. It doesn't make what happened better, but it really makes me hopeful for a happy, pain-free future.



Today was a good day.

Click to enlarge, and you will laugh

it's been a rough year, and it's nice to find something that actually makes me laugh out loud.

p.s. if you're not a CSI fan you probably won't laugh as much as I did.

I don't know about you guys

But I could use some caramel apples.

If you could too, check here


Read your scriptures

Robi Sundell

Dear Robi

Last time I saw you was outside of Sammy's. It was late, around 1:30 am, and you were suddenly there, unexpectedly. We'd been making plans but I kept having to cancel because of random stuff, so I was excited to see you.

I jumped on you and buried my face in your afro. You spun me around so fast I started falling off, and you went faster just to make me cling on more.

You said I had no idea how happy I made you. I said hello to your friends in the truck. I jumped on you again, for a second spin.

I scolded you for not fixing the tables in front of the store for the billionth time. You invited me somewhere, I can't remember where, but I had to sleep and I said next time for sure.

I texted you last night, I guess your Dad had your phone and asked if anyone knew me and could tell me what had happened.

Sam called about the accident and told me it was serious.
A mutual friend recognized my name from the text at the hospital and called me to tell me about the funeral.

I miss you. I love you.

Hysterical Travel

No sleep no food lots of sleep lots of food drive to SD fly to UT cry dance run laugh dance cry cry sleep.

Any questions?

McSweeney's

Dear McSweeney's Magazine,

I lust after you. The short stories in the latest issue are making my mouth water, and the second I can afford it I'm buying a subscription.

Your fur-covered edition of Dave Eggers' Where the Wild Things Are is EXACTLY WHAT I NEED IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW and the second I get paid I am buying it.

I can't believe issue 24 is $5. I can't believe issues 19&20 are selling for $8 together.

I NEED YOU.
I NEED TO READ MORE, AND BE INSPIRED TO WRITE MORE. YOU ARE THE KEY. I LOVE YOU, MCSWEENEY'S. I REALLY REALLY DO.


author's note:
McSweeney's magazine is everything the New Yorker should be. The editor, Dave Eggers, wrote one of my top 5 favorite book A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, happened to write the screenplay for Where the Wild Things Are, which I am seeing tonight.

Huzzah.


p.s. I left links for all of those awesome bargains just in case you wish you purchase them for me and watch me do a happy dance.

Crazies

Provo has some crazy people. I don't mean like wearing-socks-with-sandals crazy or rolling-through-a-stop-sign crazy, I mean legitimately insane individuals who need to be carted away to wasatch county health.

I was walking through a parking lot when a large man approached, yelling. He didn't seem to be homeless, but he was on the dirty side, and a tad bit frantic, like he was on the cusp of homelessness and just needed a drug habit to put him over the edge.

He was yelling incoherently, and when he spotted me he threw a finger out at me with his head reared back. Despite his babbling and quick pace, the pointed finger was firm and fierce and if I didn't think it would have caused my death I probably would've stopped and stared.

"DO YOU KNOW WHICH OF THESE CARS RUN ON HYDROGREN?"

His voice was damning me already, like I didn't need to answer because I was wearing a "I hate the environment" sticker on my forehead.

"uhh..." I was nearing my destination figured he wouldn't attack me if people could see us, so I sped up a bit.

He narrowed the gap between us to 5 feet, and leaned in with a gravelly whisper

"alllllll oooffff theeeemmmm"

He said it just like that. Slow, drawn out, ominous.


Then I was confused. I thought the hydrogen fuel cell was the ideal fuel? Yes, the factories that create those fuel cells run on coal, but can't you do the same thing with water-powered facilities? Does anyone know what this crazy guy was talking about? Because now I'm doubting myself.

I can't believe I let that guy make me feel guilty for a second. I carpool. I buy fancy ethos water from Starbucks to "help the children." Isn't that enough for you, strange man in the parking lot?

Typical

I spent most of my childhood trying to stand out.

I had 3 gorgeous older sisters, all brainy, all cheerleaders, all confident.

I, unfortunately, was overweight and refused to read until 2nd grade or so. When I finally caught up academically I was too scared to be social, so I hated everyone and everything that intimidated me. I wore bright red dickies to school and listened to awful music, just because none of my sisters did that.

I was too scared to try out for cheerleading or swim because I had such problems with my weight and how I looked.

I never went inside an Abercrombie or Aeropostale because that's where my sisters when and oh my gosh aren't they just soooo typical?



Well, last night I realized: I went to FHE and had a blast. Went longboarding to Blockbuster and had a blast. I'm blonde and work at a trendy burger place and I'm having a blast. I live in Provo, I love BYU, I'm wearing high heels and an outfit Kristina would love, and I'm having a blast.


Look at me, I'm typical.

KAYLA

Have you guys ever met someone and known instantly that you are going to be dear friends for a long time?

Let me introduce you to Kayla

(INSERT SAMMY'S PIC HERE)


I just realized I have no pictures of her....weird....


ANYWAY. Dear Kayla and I met working at Sammy's in Provo. After a few impromptu dance parties and realizing we made twice as many tips when we were scheduled together, it became clear that we should move in together.

And move in together we did.


I've shown her how to be a music snob and share toilet paper.

She's shown me that you can still be mature and dance and shout and freak out, and mexican food is a cure-all.


I know it's only been a few months, but we get confused for each other every day, she is already my best friend, loved by all of my sisters, and greatly feared by my enemies.


Cheers, girl!
I love you

Sleeping Pills

Today I realized...I haven't had a sleeping pill in about a month.




:)



This feels awesome.

Making Friends

I really need to learn how to make friends. Too often I find myself standing awkwardly and making tasteless jokes about dead parents.

I can't help it.
When I get nervous, racey humor just takes over me.


:: sigh ::

At least I have my job, which today and yesterday was just hours and hours of hanging out with firemen.

That's not such a bad thing.

Sponsors Wanted

Hey friends.


If you read my blog, you know my story.
You know I'm kinda crazy but smart. Fun but logical. Just got out of a relationship but moving on.

I really would love to be a volunteer in an orphanage in Ecuador. I found a program that isn't officially tied to the church, but is mostly filled with LDS students.

If you or someone you know is interested in sponsoring a 21 yr old in her quest to help others, please let me know! I'm too poor to do it on my own.

get more info here

October

Helloooo October. I'm excited for you.

Know why?

Because September was rough. Really rough. Definitely top 3 hardest times of my entire life rough.

I went through the messiest kind of break up there is. I was heartbroken. I was looking into the future and still planning things with him. I was rationalizing and crying and aching.

Now? Not so much.

I'm pissed.
Every time I think about the last month of our relationship I'm just incredibly pissed off.

As for you, October....I love you. You are my new boyfriend. Feel free to cover me with leafy kisses and make me blush with your chill. I'm ready for a rebound ;)

update:
I emailed my creative writing teacher, just a simple hello, plus "I'll be there Thursday and I'll arm wrestle you in front of the basketball team and you'll go cry in the parking lot"

To which he replied "Sounds like creative writing! Except not that creative, since everyone knows I cry in the parking lot most days"

We have an solid friendship based on sass. I enjoy it.

:)

I didn't do anything to deserve this awesome Saturday.

-Conference
-Wags&Rae in town
-bonding with Kayla
-dance party @ Sammy's
-free dinner
-weird/awesome movie
-wonderful wonderful wonderful.



:) :)

Last of all

Remember the stinky dog, Sunny Bear?

Today I was petting his impressive paunch and glanced at his nametag.


"Suni Bear"




Have a great day.

LISTEN TO THE BLOODY BEETROOTS

I AM IN THE BEST MOOD RIGHT NOW.

I think it's a combo of the cold weather+my promotion+way good music

I LOVE THE COLD. It makes me feel like running and playing and falling in love.

I LOVE my promotion! I already feel waaaay more in control of my day to day tasks, and I'm making more money and it is AWESOME.

I LOVE: The Bloody Beetroots! Alaska in Winter! Hot Chip! Empire of the Sun! Annie! Drop the Lime (WHO WAS SO GOOD LIVE)!


Honestly, I haven't had a day that was so fun and relaxed and happy and just NORMAL since before the break up.

I really have been hurting the past few weeks, and I know it's going to take a while to totally heal (given the messy nature of our break up) but I finally can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Nikki is engaged! Kristina has an awesome job! Calee is a cradle robber! Today I feel cute and fun and smart! LIFE IS SO GOOD!

I don't think I've realized how insecure and timid breaking up with Mancandy made me...but now?

I've gotten asked out FIVE TIMES IN THE PAST 4 DAYS. BY ACCEPTABLE HOTTIES.

Watch out Provo. Last time I was in Provo during the fall was madness.

And this time, I'm blonde.




p.s. i recieved a text that my Everyman's Journal was in Golden Gate Park, SF. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Picture tiiimmmee

Me and sister Nikki (who is now engaged to my boss, Sam of Sammy's)

Gettin silly

A bit sillier

My friend Brooke and I feeding alligators marshmallows Louisiana




Have a wonderful Sunday

Dayjob

Hey lovers.

Today is my first day back at my dayjob since I've been out of town then my boss was out of town then I was out of town. (I'm a personal assistant so if my boss isn't here there is no point in ME being here)

Turns out he was serious about giving me a promotion!

I'm no longer a personal assistant, I am a marketer. I'm getting lots of perks and I'm stoked.

It was just in the nick of time, too.
When I woke up this morning I was possessed with the idea that I had to put in my two weeks notice today and start looking for something else ASAP.

HOWEVER....a raise + paying for my gas + being proactive with my work= i would be so stupid if I quit.

Sunny bear makes it alllllll worth it.

p.s. i made friends with the only other person even close to my age. she is nice and invited me to a haunted house. happy.

Re: The Everyman's Journal

In June of 2008 I posted about a guerilla art outreach project I did in Sacramento. I was desperate for human contact, for creative release, for clear communication no matter the intent.

find the original post here

I put 2 journals out into the world and never heard a single thing back from them. I mourned their loss...they were beautiful and red and held pieces of my soul. I felt very much as if I had created my own pitiful horcruxes and was now doomed to an isolated immortality.

That was over a year ago.

Today, I received this text:

"Redbook was in Placerville & is on its way to San Francisco. Slowly being filled. It is happy."

I stared at it, confused by the unknown number and honestly not having the slightest idea what it was regarding.

Then, I realized he was talking about my journal. I wanted to sing and cry and dance. I responded with:

"Thank you. Thank you so much."

The mystery number replied back:

"No problem. Alot of writers are very affected by it. You've done an important thing"

At that point I did start crying. I remember exactly how I felt when I wrote those journals and left them on the sidewalk in random places. I remember needing it- needing strangers to stop and look at one another and think about someone else for just one second.

Here is what I wrote in the journal:

Hello,

This is now your journal. It has been written in by someone else, possibly a few “someone elses”, and now it has found you.

Read the other entries and add your own.

A photo, a story, a piece of advice, a drawing: it doesn’t matter.

Someone is trying to reach out, and you can reach back.

Now is your chance.

When you are finished, leave me somewhere public to reach someone else.


(Body of entry:)

I’m 19 and I don’t know anyone here. The person I talk to the most would be my Beta fish, The Giant, and he is actually pissed at me right now.

Why, you ask? Because I keep calling him Milo, which was my last fish’s name. I know, awkward. Milo’s full name was The-Venus-de-Milo-Inspires-Me, which is the best sentence ever uttered by a serial killer with a lisp on Law and Order SVU. Milo was only with me for a few hours before he returned to the Great Sea Beyond.

Milo and I had something special. I fell in love with his devil-may-care way of swimming around the tank, but soon the strokes became willy-nilly, then upside-downey. I was devastated.

The Giant can’t understand why I’m still attached to the past. Beta fish: can’t live with ‘em … right ladies?

Besides being young and delusional, I have manic-depression, making me the scariest and most entertaining person you’ll ever meet.

I’ve become isolated to the point … to the point where I am desperate for people as isolated as I am.

I want someone to pick this up, smile or laugh or cry or get pissed or anything. I need you to react and care enough about affecting your environment to add a little something.

I can’t keep driving/walking/living everyday thinking each face is bland and ignorant, and neither can you.

If you actually add or read this, maybe you’ll look at that girl differently working at the drug store, or serving you dinner, or sitting alone at the park. Did she write that? Is she the one who feels like she is staring at life through a kaleidoscope one day, then dark foggy mirrors the next?

Please put down your thoughts and acknowledge the thoughts of others, even if it is an idiotic story about a fish.

Thanks, journal, for that small release.


Brooke


All from memory (points down)

In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories. DUN DUN





I can't believe it's been a whole year. I can't believe how this has made me feel. I am so grateful.

This timing wasn't a coincidence.

nawlins

-Swamp tour. Fed alligators marshmellows.

-Nikki got engaged!? TO MY BOSS, SAM of Sammy's!!!

-cried a few times. felt super loved by really good friends who understand the kind of heartache i'm feeling right now.

-bourbon street. danced with an 80 yr old drunk man who then fell over.

-had Happy Birthday sung to me at least ten different times

-slept in the most BEAUTIFUL hotel I've ever seen

-was mistaken for a Finnish tourist. Twice.

-saw a mountain bike in a swimming pool

-fell in love with Joanna Newsom all over again

-hot as freaking CRAP down there

-missed my home flight, by a WHOLE DAY- got pounded by a $150 fee

-got a $400 dollar voucher for being a nice person. THANK YOU KARMA.

-had jumbalaya. Loved it.

-naked swimming in the gulf of mexico

-so many bug bites

-karaoke

-walking everywhere

-bay st. louis church compound livin'

-warm rain+cold bathwater



perfect

New Orleans

Guess what? I jetted away from Utah again. This time it was to Mississippi! The past few nights I've been staying with my friend in Bay St. Louis. She lives on a compound (not the creepy kind) with a bunch of other volunteer workers. They restore houses and provide basic disaster relief. To earn my keep I went and painted a house with her the other day. Messy, SO SO hot, random five minute intervals of pounding rain followed by muggy air that makes my hair pretty much an afro.

I had no idea there were still so many houses completely destroyed by Katrina that haven't even had the debris cleared out of them yet. There was an old school building with broken windows and destroyed classrooms that still had class schedules from 2005 on the walls.

We're staying in the French Quarter the next few days. We'll be seeing all the sights, including a tour of what Katrina really did. Having a friend who works for a relief program means I've gotten to see/hear alot of things I know I never would otherwise.

Utah is so far away from all of this...Katrina feels like forever ago for us! But here, the scars are obvious.

Birthday

The rumors are true, I'm 21. Now those 50 cases of whiskey in my closet aren't such a big deal, are they?


Har Har.

Jk friends and family. I spend my evenings reading and watching 30rock. No drinking for me, no matter how legal it may be.

SHOUT OUT to Grandma and Grandpa Schroeder. That card with a picture of me at like eleven is both adorable AND awful. I was a chubby kid to say the least.

SHOUT OUT to Grandma and Grandpa McBride. That card with the dress on it was sweet! I'm totally saving it. Thanks for all the love for "mancandy" (you even remembered his name!) Unfortunately we are no longer together. Don't worry though it's a relatively new development. You had no way of knowing.

SHOUT OUT to my dear roomie Kayla, who through some sort of mind power knew I needed a new journal and got me a very pretty leather one.

Calee- yays for make ups. I need to look good for the men.

Rae- Ponyo was good don't lie

Dad- taxes! ashford! such a relief

Mom- Food! Money! So much chocolate eclair I could die

And to all the facebook friends who left me love....hey thanks. You really did make my day.

Here's to 21! Single, Blonde, in Utah. I never saw that coming.

Mancandy

For those of you looking for a full, vivid description of what caused the explosive and sparkly demise of my relationship with Mancandy, I'm sorry. You won't be getting that any time soon.


What I will say is that he screwed up, I screwed up. Bad, separate, bizarre. I forgave him, he forgave me, we tried to move on, and just couldn't do it.

Hopefully we can both get tons of therapy and come out on the other side better people. But for now...we aren't good for each other. And that's all there is to it.


The only thing that I'm concerned about really is the rage.
I've been experiencing full blown, red face, I-want-to-throw-plates anger. It layers everything I do. From how I drive to how I pray. It's not good. I've been trying to talk to my bishop about it and get some advice but that man is super popular.

I also have a therapist, which is awesome, but at the same time rough. He doesn't sugar coat ANYTHING, does not treat me like a victim, and it sucks/is good for me.


For those of you who have dealt with this kind of anger, this "wow-that-is-so-unfair-i-hate-you-and-i-hate-myself" type, let me know how you deal with it.

Besides throwing plates.
Cuz I'm running low.


edit: I was in a super peaceful place when I wrote this blog entry, but now it is just pissing me off (I told you...the anger is a problem). Honestly, I feel like Mancandy died and was replaced by a total stranger. The last two weeks have been so surreal and bizarre and....ugh. Just crappy.


That felt good.

Have a great day!

P.S. Note to self: tomorrow is your birthday. Smile. Don't play the victim. Be grateful. Smile. Cry if you need to...but then breathe, and smile.

Dear Bro. Woods

I email a professor I took Creative Writing from last semester every once in a while. He loved my work and made me convinced I should be not only an English major, but an author.

He knows my current dilemma, that I'm heartbroken I'm not going to school, and that I am trying to start up writing again.

Today he sent me this email:

OK, so you’re not in school, your brain is atrophying, yet you want to write, even be forced to write.


Depending on how desperate your condition is, this idea might work:


You could attend my class on Thursday nights, without enrolling.

Turn in whatever you want to turn in for my scathing remarks.


It’s just an offer. I wouldn’t offer this to most people, but your brains and your discussion abilities would benefit the class.

No obligation whatsoever, and I would worry about your mental state if you accepted this offer.


So now you’re saying one of the following:

--The man is obviously out of his mind if he thinks I’d sit through his class again!

--The French bread was pretty good.

--What, and miss a shift at McDonald’s?


This is the best thing that has happened to me ALL MONTH.
I'm totally doing it.

p.s. the McDonald's comment is regarding Sammy's. And the French Bread comment is regarding his constant carby gifts to the class.

Re: Advice

So, most of you seem to think Utah is the place to be. Financially, educationally, yes, I agree.

However, my break up was rough. Really rough. Therapy rough. Thank-goodness-we-aren't-married-with-children rough. I'm-seriously-debating-whether-or-not-I-can-fully-recover-here tough.

So that is a good reason to go.

However however, I did just get a promotion at my dayjob. Raise hasn't been discussed yet, but I threw it out there on the table that I wanted to be a full time marketing manager and he just agreed. So....I'm assuming getting a raise won't be too hard either.

If I'm marketing full tiem and part time Sammy's (although I really wish it was the other way around) then hopefully I'll be so busy and making so much dough that come January all of this will seem like a blip on my happiness radar.

Yes? No? Am I dumb?

The fact that I go from one extreme emotion to another is what scares me.

Fear, Anger, Guilt, Loneliness, Grief, Shock, repeat.

Advice

Hey lovers. So, I'm going to throw some options out at you, and you're going to throw some back.

I don't get alot of comments on this blog but I know people read it and know me and my situation and I honestly don't know what to do. So please, comment. Be honest.

Here are my options:

A) Stay in Provo. Deal with seeing my ex and being reminded of my ex everywhere. Deal with my crap dayjob and not being able to go to school this semester. Just work and suck it up.

B)Move to Idaho. Try to make Sammy's in Rexburg work. Deal with the weather and moving hassle.

C)Move to Sacramento. Live with Nikki and the girls. Work and save up so I can afford school next semester

D)Move to San Diego. Get an apartment vs. live at home?

subquestion:

No matter where I move, should I keep paying rent on this place? I really want to live here when I come back in January, so I don't want to risk losing the lease. Plus, I don't want to move all my crap so I could use this room as storage. Or would that not be worth the money?


Bleh.
I don't know.
I need you.

I'm up for other options, too.

Sammy's (:

Even though I've only been single for a few days...I have a new love in my life.


click here



Because of Sammy's, I have new friends, new favorite songs, new comfort foods, and a crapload of cooking skills.


Isn't love grand?


(p.s. if you haven't gotten a CupShake yet- cupcake shake- you need to come get one NOW)

Flirting

I usually am pro-flirting. Promotes neighborly love, gets you free stuff, increases your tips, lowers your cholesterol, etc.

HOWEVER...

If I'm at work, and I'm trying to be nice, and you can't catch a freaking hint and leave me alone after my response to all your come ons are "ha. yeah" then you are a dumb boy, and you're the reason girls get so hostile and defensive sometimes.

ESPECIALLY when they're on the job.

Unless they are blatantly flirting back, DO NOT flirt with girls who are working. They need to be nice, and they don't want to get in an awkward situation where they can't just leave if you end up being a jerk.

So, for me, please just don't hit on your waitress. Thanks.

One Fine Day

One Fine Day is a snappy 60's doo-wop sorta song that I sang with my sisters all through my childhood.

There is some raging piano in the background, some Oooh's and Ahh's and sha-la three part harmonies.

I was singing it to myself the other day and realized that it is an incredibly depressing song, about a severely abused girl who needs to deal with reality.


Though I know you're the kind of boy
Who only wants to run around
I'll keep waiting and someday darling
You'll come to me when you want to settle down

The arms I long for will open wide
And you'll be glad to have me right by your side
One fine day
You're going to want me for your girl


It has a remarkably quick tempo for such depressing lyrics.

Things That Don't Totally Suck Right Now

-nice comments from strangers

-my incredible liquid eyeliner skills (provides hours of entertainment, I swear)

-peanut butter chocolate cupcake shakes from Sammy's

-sandalwood vanilla candles

-my roommates Katie and Kayla. I don't think I've ever had friends like this, ever.

-having a functioning car and a license to drive it

-anything written by Dave Eggers

-Water

-strong fingernails

-Listerine

Wow...this blog has been incredibly upbeat. Better bring it down a notch.

Things that DO totally suck right now:

-not knowing what is going on. ever.

-having dreams that make you cry

-not knowing how to talk to someone you love

-slamming your face into the corner of your desk late and night and waking up with a mouthful of blood (TRUE STORY)

-being really excited for your English class and then realizing the professor is one of those people that makes your face go numb because they are so boring.

-walking all over campus because you can't remember which building is which.

-telling people you missed 2 years of school and then they think you went on a mission and then you have to correct them. So you stop correcting them. And now a bunch of people think you went on a mission. To texas. Weird lie, I know.

-being single, and honestly not believing how something so good could suddenly be awful and just as suddenly...gone.

-Randomly texting your favorite English Professor (BRO Woods...if you read my blog you should remember him as a sassy man who provided many good laughs and sage moments) and finding out that his sister and nephew died in a bizarre boating accident last week. Wow.


Basically, the good stuff isn't that good.

The bad stuff feels like it should be someone else's life.

Update

LAST WEEK:


Throat infection. Missed a whole week of work (both jobs) and the first days of school.

Got 2 flat tires.

Found out I owe $500 still for all the traffic ticket nonsense.

Became officially single.



Bake me some cookies or something, cuz I'm having a rough time.

Oh heeeeeyyy

So I'm still alive, barely. I have some sort of weird throat infection and now that I'm intensely medicated and know what's going on I feel a little better.

Even though I complain alot about my job(s) on this blog, I'm incredibly blessed with some laid-back, flexible employers. Talk about amazing. I've missed this whole week of work and I know I'll be able to jump back into all of it without skipping a beat.

NOW FOR SOME NEWS....

Despite having JUST moved into my new place...guess who is considering moving to Idaho?
Me.

reasons:

I haven't registered for classes at BYU Provo yet.

I don't like living in the same place for too long ( I get antsy)

There will be a Sammy's in Rexburg and I'd love to be there to watch it grow into the freakin' legit place it is in Provo

Kristina is going, and I'm not sure if you knew this but Kristina is pretty awesome to live with. She's a go-getter and all around awesome example, and typically cooks pretty awesome food a regular basis.

I've never lived there before, and who knows? Maybe freezing weather and killer winds are right up my alley.

BYUI classes are easier. Awful slacker reason to move, I know, especially when I've been blessed with a brain that remembers almost anything it reads, but hey. I'm a slacker.


reasons NOT to go

-dear mancandy. how can I be without him?

-i JUST moved in, I feel like I'm just getting used to Provo and making good friends

-It is freaking COLD in Idaho

-Kristina is kind of a slob sometimes.

-Roadtrips to California would be almost completely out of the question. I'm so anti-driving.

-Moving in a huge pain in the butt.

-BYU is better for English majors.



thoughtsss?

sick

sick sick sick.
i'm not leaving my bed today.

Workman

There is a man in my office who chugs proteins shakes and eats 12 meals a day. The meals include steak, according to the delicious smell wafting through the office.

This guy cooks, all day every day, and it TORTURES ME. And I know it has to torture everyone else, too! It smells sooooo gooooddddd...uuuuuuhhhhh i want itttttttt.....

I can tell I'm getting sick and it terrifies me.

I'm working all day, maybe packing a little, then I'm moving tomorrow and working tomorrow night. Then school starts next week. I can't get sick right now! I can't!


Is it just me or did this year speed by?

FREE SHOW TONIGHT

So I closed last night and the night before that at Sammy's, and I'm also closing Friday and Saturday, so I'm taking it at a huge sign from God that my ONE free night happens to be the same night that........

One of my top 5 favorite bands of all time IRON&WINE is playing for FREE in Salt Lake!

They're playing with Okkervil River, who I am less than excited about, but still.

So bring a date, two water bottles, your camera, and a bag of snacks. BAM.


You're welcome.

Moves

I've moved 5 or so times in the past 2 years, and I think I'm finally over it.

Yes I enjoy being a tumbleweed, but I also enjoy having money. Moving is expensive. If you stay in the same place for longer than 6 months you might actually be able to afford to go somewhere cool, not just have enough money to pay for the gas to get to your new location.

I went from BYU to my parents home in Escondido, to my apartment in San Diego, to bumming it around San Francisco for a week or two, to Lincoln with Nikki, then back to Provo, UT.

I'm tired just typing it.
Actually I'm tired because I got like 3 hours of sleep last night.

With my day job and night job there is very little time for my mancandy (usually a 4 hour gap in between is filled with chores/errands/appointments) so when I come home and he needs affection in the form of doing laundry together and watching a movie, how can I say no?

The less sleep I get, the more I can visualize myself saying no.
Tonight will probably have less bonding, and more packing/cleaning.

Hurrah.

UPDATE: Guy-who-never-works-just-makes-awkward-chit-chat just asked some random guy in the waiting area if he was from Samoa. The guy said "no...chicago."
The guy is kind of tan...I'm guessing that's why he asked? It was the most awkward chit chat yet.

SECOND UPDATE: Mancandy had flowers for me when he picked me up from the airport. Awwwwwww.

Boom, baby!

Hey lovers, I'm back.

Sorry I just kinda jetted out of here without much warning. I was in San Diego bidding Kristina farewell, since she is now living back home and won't be here to make me food or pay my bills and make me laugh.

Kristina was one of my friends, and since I only have three or four it's a big deal that she no longer lives here.

And it's nuts that I'm now the only one in Utah. I've had people ask why, and why won't I move back home, or blah blah blah. The truth is I like Provo. I think it's cute. And I love BYU. Love it.

San Diego was fun! I went kayaking and sailing with some friends in Oceanside Harbor, and there were sea lions swimming right up next to us! Sea lions are freaking huge and scary, I realized. I looove kayaking. I feel like I could be really good at it.

A few times crap happened (my moms car running out of gas, an incredibly epic hearts tournament) that kept me out of the house till the wee hours of the night, and I know it made my parents crazy.

I get in this super elusive mood sometimes when I'm back down there. I'll do everything you can possibly do in one day, then in the next i'll just sit home and read for hours and hours and there is nothing you can humanly do to get me out of the house.

Weird.
That place makes me weird.

But now I'm back in Provo, feeling normal, but lonely in this big empty townhouse. I'm moving to my new place in a bit. Wish me luck and decent carpeting.

lovelove
Brooke

Exhausted

I can say with confidence that this is the 2nd hardest I've ever worked in my life. The first hardest was when I lived in Sacramento, worked full time, and hung out with two little girls whilst dealing with lots of emotional baggage (my own and otherwise).

Even though this point in my life is only the 2nd hardest, it's still freaking hard. Even if I took off tomorrow and went to San Diego with Kristina (which I might) I'd still have had 40 hours of work done.

It's the first weekend I've gotten off from Sammy's in.... ever. So, I should take advantage of that, right?

If I don't go to San Diego, I'll probably move into my new place this weekend. Clean. Get all the OCD things I need to get done finished before I have to move and have it bother me forever.


For now, I had 4 hours of sleep last night and I am closing Sammy's again tonight. I need to finish up what I need to at the office and then go home and SLEEP. Maybe, if I'm feeling really crazy, I'll even shave my legs.

Madness.

Feelinnnnn' mediocre

I just wrote, then rewrote, then rewrote again a blog entry.

All different topics, all the same vibe: hostile.



I'll hold off on the blogging for today. Tomorrow will be happier, I promise.


for now: don't gossip. breathe. appreciate other people's time.

Hey guys

Have you ever been so overwhelmed that you find yourself speaking and walking in slow motion.

Thats what today has been.


I'm losing my voice and my headaches are getting worse and there is a whole lot going on.


This post just took me fifteen minutes to type because everything is sooo slooooww.

Istanbul to Athens

SO! BIG NEWS!

I've been telling myself forever that the SECOND I get my license I will run out and get a passport. Why would someone do that, you ask? Because in the past six months I've been invited to England, Mexico, and the Dominican Republic. If I miss out on one more trip I'm going to jump in front of a bus.

Then, my roommate Kayla and I had a brilliant idea: let's plan a trip for the spring. We'll get off school, we'll jump on a plane, we'll go from Istanbul to Athens in 12 days.

And guess what?

We're really doing it.

Granted, the budget is incredibly tight. I can barely afford car insurance, let alone plane tickets. However- I need a freaking vacation.

Haha I know I know...poor me being young and fortunate enough to have 2 jobs and going to the university of my choice. I live a charmed, healthy, blessed life. I'm willing to work my butt off to make this happen, though. And it really is going to.

When school starts I'll be taking all night classes so that I can work full time during the day. I'm going to be scheduled Saturdays at Sammy's and then be the #1 on call person for rushes or emergencies.

NOW WHERE YOU COME IN:
I've never traveled internationally. Help! Plane tickets? Buses/ferries? Hotels vs. hostels? Tour guides vs. tour books? I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm determined and smart and young. Help me out.

Green-Eyed Brooke

I've never had a jealousy problem. Yes, I'd react poorly to certain things (ie talking to an old girlfriend and not telling me, openly staring at another girl, etc) but I think I'm totally justified in reacting poorly to those. I've never suffered from paranoia or fear or extreme insecurity. I didn't even know how common in relationships those feelings are, simply because people are jerks and if you've been cheated on once then you feel like you'll get cheated on over and over- no matter how illogical it is and how much you KNOW that your current boyfriend/girlfriend loves you.

Having had only one quasi-cheating experience (we weren't officially dating, but it turns out he was officially dating someone ELSE. Since I was 17 and it was only for 1 month I don't really count it) I wouldn't say I'm one of those people who have been damaged and thus have baggage that makes jealousy an issue; yet, it has become an issue.

I'm not sure where these new feelings of ugly ugly jealousy are coming from...

OH WAIT.
Yes I do.

(I'm going to blog about this because I have a super awesome history of blogging about things that are incredibly inappropriate; however, since I'm not a phone person this is how my loved ones keep up with me. Just act like we're talking on the phone and all this verbal vomit jealousy crap is coming out of my mouth and not off of my blog.)

Here's how all of this started:

I have issues with any and all girls that find themselves saying "well I just don't have giiirl friends. All my friends are boys for some reason I don't even know why!! It's, like, so weird. I just never make friends with girls."

Do you want to know why, girl-who-is-just-so-laid-back-she-only-relates-to-boys? It's one of 2 things:

1-Girls don't want to be friends with YOU. Not the other way around. Whether that is because you pushed them away, or because just because you have a crap personality, I'll let you decide.(Ten bucks on crap personality)

2-You're a slut. I know I know, kinda harsh. Guess what? Also kinda true. And when I say kinda I mean totally true. Of course you're only friends with guys- they fix your car and buy you lunch and always make time for you. It's not because they love your sparkling personality. Shocking. This may have caused reason #1.

I promise you've heard a girl say this before. You've probably said it yourself. If you've said it recently, take a good hard look at what you are doing that is creating such a barrier between you and your ladies.

Boys are easier to befriend, yes, but does that mean they made BETTER friends?

I know for a fact that NOTHING beats having a mom available for a playdate when you've been up all night, you are sick of being stuck in your house and you'd rather jump off a bridge than play hide and go seek with your kids one more time. I know for a fact that when it comes right down to it NO GUY can listen to you cry about the same problem so many times without saying something insensitive and making it worse(maybe the first few he'll be sympathetic, but it takes a girl attitude to understand why you can't just get over it already, it's been 4 months for crying out loud).

I know for a fact that I really haven't cared about girls who say this so much, until I met one that was "bff's" with my boyfriend.

Ugh.
Seriously?
Constant texting/website commenting/inside-joke referencing/old picture posting= totally VALID jealousy and annoyance. Right? PLEASE GO MAKE FRIENDS WITH GIRLS. Heck, I'd be your friend if you'd just back up off the Mancandy a bit.

sheesh.

(p.s. if you couldn't tell....jealousy makes me so ugly. don't judge. sympathize. she is way hot.... and it makes me sad.)
(p.p.s. for all those literal-readers out there, my eyes are blue.)

Fatty

Soo....
I used to be a bit thicker.

I believe the all time high weight was 186lbs, at a height of 5'6'' or so. These days I'm usually around 145lbs, at one inch taller. Needless to say, the difference is kind of obvious.

Kristina (my sister, who blogs here with my other sister Calee) made me a picture calendar a couple of years ago for my birthday, which includes a few precious gems that my Mancandy hadn't ever seen.

He was flipping through, looking at old pictures, and I KNEW it was coming: the one picture from the 4th of July, where my hair is long and golden brown, I'm 40 lbs heavier than I am today, and I'm wearing so much make up I could be mistaken for a man.

I didn't stop him. I wanted to SO BAD, but I didn't. I knew it was coming, and I always thought that the worst possible reaction would be laughter.

It turns out the worst possible reaction is TOTAL SILENCE.

He stopped on that exact picture. I could see the cogs in his mind turning and piecing together the fact that the curvy girl in the picture and the woman he is dating are the same person.

Before I go on:
I really don't see myself as that person anymore. I eat what I want when I want, and I don't stress out about it. I used to think I was just a bigger person in a brief period of being thin (because I used to weigh 10 lbs less than I am now, run 3 miles a day, and lived off of yogurt and cereal) but now I've settled into a nice middle ground. I'm not skinny, I'm not fat, I'm comfortable. It's bizarre and obviously not healthy to have experienced both extremes in a matter of just 3 years, but hey. There are very few healthy things about me and my life (in the past 3 years, especially).

Finally, after a few moments, he kissed me and laughed.
It wasn't that bad.
I laughed too.

Returned Missionaries

Hello all.

So a few days ago a good friend of mine returned from his mission! This is a friend that I met up at BYU, we dated for around a month, then broke it off; however, we wrote to one another consistently the whole time he was gone. I swear his letters were the ONLY social thing I did while I was in Sacramento. I really feel like they made my entire week better.

I remember one day when I worked at Jamba from 6AM-3PM, then went and picked up the girls from daycare, played, made dinner, put them to bed, cleaned the kitchen, took a shower, and finally at the end of the day checked the mail. There was a letter from Alex, and I was suddenly in such a good mood.

Don't get me wrong- these weren't lovey letters at all. It was just nice getting a letter with good stories, sometimes a hilarious movie or book reference, and always a spiritual boost.

Last night we spoke on the phone and I swear NOTHING has changed. I'm sure that's just because it was over the phone and very brief, but still it was bizarre.

I'm excited for school in the fall- the semester of awkwardly running into a million boys I've dated and haven't seen in 2 years. Woo!

Paranoid

I don't know about you guys, but I'm always a little medically paranoid. My back hurts, I think it's my kidneys. I smell something weird, I think I have a tumor, etc etc.

Recently I've been getting this migraines that come on strong and fast, and make me stop what I'm doing and cradle my head. Usually I think this kind of thing wouldn't freak me out soooo much (since I'm not the best sleeper and sleep-related headaches are common) but I totally GAVE MYSELF A CONCUSSION LAST NIGHT.

I was messing around in the fridge, forgot that I had left the freezer door on top open, and then stood up (really fast) slamming the side of my skull into the door.

I then fell directly onto the ground (not kidding. hit the floor) and it wasn't until 5 minutes later (when Mancandy came in and freaked out because he thought I was dead) that I finally moved again.

How worried should I be right now? I'm not like falling over or dizzy or anything, and I woke up this morning so that's a good sign. But the headache! Holy cow! I can't be in sunlight or speak loudly or work out, because it feels like there is a watermelon taped to my forehead, only the watermelon is made of spikes and teeth.

GOOD NEWS:

I HAVE A LICENSE. I drove to work today! Oh my gosh!


Good thing my license picture is me at 17, pre-40 lb weightloss and mid-make up experimentation.

Also: I'm in one of those phases where I'm over-excited about books and end up reading like twelve at once. In Cold Blood, The Ontology of Humor, The Book of Mormon, The Miracle of Forgiveness, and a book about Patriarchal Blessings that I can't quite remember the title of right now.

I'm almost done with In Cold Blood, but I've gotta tell you that the transition into church literature is bizarre. This book is completely disturbing, and considered nonfiction, so everything I'm reading is real and creepy. Then switching over to 3rd Nephi, with little to no segue time.....

Some people would say hey Brooke, just don't read such creepy books. But it is a classic. And the way it is written is beautiful and delightful and I LOVE such high quality writing.

For some people it's "classic" movies. They will watch the Godfather on a Sunday night. For me, it's books. Poe, Palahniuck, Capote: hands down terrifying authors, but so good. I can't help myself.

UPDATE: My boss just gave me back something I had typed up for him. I was talking about a group of estimators and their needs. He circled the word "their" and wrote in huge red letters, "THERE"

wow.

Car

So I got my car fixed- only about $150 so not bad, still rough for a college kid.

Of course, my digital camera broke today. And my Kindle is still dead.

Good news: my fish is still alive somehow. Betas are incredible. I can't tell you how much I love this fish, when I really think about it. When I lived in Sacramento I would talk to him more than I talked to normal people. Ryah and Taylen almost killed him multiple times, and he survived a drive from Sacramento to Utah.

I would say that he is just a fish, and if he died I wouldn't care. But this fish loves me. When i go out of town and make Kristina feed him, he doesn't eat. He will stay in the bottom of his bowl and be afraid. Part of this is because he is used to be talking and singing to music so much that he likes to come out and look at movement. Kristina would just throw the food in there and walk away, leaving him in a cold dark room and he wouldn't come out to see what was going on.

The other part of this...is because we are in love.

The-Venus-de-Milo-Inspires-Me (Jr.) goes by Milo for short, and he will never leave me. Because I keep him in a bowl.

For those of you needing the secret to a happy relationship, there it is. Keep him in a bowl.

Last night

My car died at a gas station and I wanted to cry. If that thing has officially passed on DAYS before I have a license within my grasp, I will know for a fact that God hates me and wants me to be frustrated and helpless all day every day.

New Stuff. No money.

So....despite working my BUTT off, I have no money.
I felt like I did, for about a day.

THEN, my laptop decides it's had enough. I think I'm going to get a tiny little P.C. that I can carry to class for like $300-$400. Any tips? Anyone buy a computer they really love recently? Let me know.

SECOND, My wonderful car Dyna is going to die very soon. I know it. I'm going to take her in tomorrow to get looked at but...I know she is dead. She wouldn't be worth getting fixed (I bought her for $500, and she's had a long 2 years of driving from San Diego to Sacramento to Provo. Poor girl needs to get put down) I figure if I scrap her I'll get $150 or so....hopefully.

Then, I don't know? I would say a scooter, but it's going to get snow here reaaal fast. Do you know someone selling a car in Utah? Do you have any tips?

I really need help! I just got the good news that I'll have my license back next week, and if I don't actually get the chance to drive myself around, I will seriously jump up and down and scream like an angry child.

Today is a good day

Why?
Because my sister Nikki and said "guess what I have? YOUR LICENSE"

It had come in the mail to her house, since that is the address that is on the license (one of the fix-it tickets was to change my address, and since I actually DID all the fix it tickets but none of them got signed off by cops because of my crap circumstances, then that makes sense)

I think the fact that I paid my reissue fee for my license the DAY it was revoked skipped a few weeks of waiting around for the DMV. Usually you have to call them over and over to see if they have received payment then go in and take your test; however, since I paid it right away and it was all fix it tickets, I think they just mailed it to me the second I was eligible for it!

I started crying when Nikki told me, and I'm almost going to start crying now.
This has been a YEAR long battle of red tape and government-run programs. This experience has made me much more patient and much more political. I don't know alot about politics; yet I do now know a TON about the way the US government runs things. I know that when he entire country is in debt it takes waaaaay too long to fix your own debts (even when they are small) and that unless you spent a million dollars in the first place, you will get screwed and end up spending a million dollars worth of man power trying to fix the situation. The thought of socialized healthcare literally makes me want to vomit.

So thanks, California state police. I am such a republican now. Thanks to you.

And THAT my friends, is the most you will ever hear out of me politically. I think its the most I'VE ever heard out of me politically.

Hope it doesn't turn any of you off. If you diagree and think you have valid reasons, feel free to comment. I can only make choices based on my own experiences (which are dictated by my choices, so what do I know, really?)

anyway I'm happy. And i'll be on the road within 2-3 business days.

ONCE I HAVE MY LICENSE:
-get my passport
-find a (better) job
-go dancing
-go light the DMV on fire and dance naked in front of it.

Laughing Fits

"I've never seen someone laugh so hard in my entire life."

My sister's boyfriend just said that to me, because I was bright red and hysterical for 15 minutes.

Sometimes, usually about 3 times a year, I get these RIDICULOUS laughing fits. Anything can set them off. Usually it's something no one else finds funny, and I just GO. For an average of 45 minutes. Tears flowing down my face, difficulty breathing, and a high-pitched squeal that freaks everyone out. I'll calm down for a minute or two and then ANYTHING can get me going again.

It is really tiring, and it just happened.
But this time it was because Jan was fighting a washing machine and then SPRAYED KRISTINA WITH OUR SINK WASHER FOR A SOLID TEN SECONDS. My eyeliner is all over my face right now and if it wasn't for the fact that I'm ridiculously tired and have a fat no-sleep headache, I probably would've kept going for a while.

For now, I need sleep. Real bad.

(p.s. I spent the whole day with my boyfriend and his parents. The first 3 hours were at a memorial/funeral. So it was just as fun as it sounds.)

Insomnia

For those of you who don't know, I have a history of ridiculous and extreme insomnia. Lately I've been sleeping so consistently I didn't even notice I was out of sleeping pills. Now, before you go and start judging me (some people are anti sleep aid and VERY verbal about it, which I understand, but take a second to read this post before you leave a comment about what I can do differently to sleep at night) try to imagine that it's 5 am and you have work in the morning and you haven't slept a WINK, despite staying in bed with the lights off like a good little girl.

Some people have "insomnia" because they drink tons of soda, or watch TV before bed, or sleep in the morning before or take naps. I do NONE of those things. I'm anti-soda, I NEVER nap, I rarely sleep in (mostly because my body is so weird about sleep anyways that it won't let me sleep in past 9) and I have a very calming nightly routine of facewash, body lotion, scripture reading, then recreational reading. Doctors have been telling me for 3 years now that sleep hygiene is a HUGE part of curing insomnia- but that really just isn't the case with me. (sleep hygiene=nightly rituals)

Usually I give up and get out of bed after 2 or 3 hours of trying, but I was SO dedicated I stayed in bed for 6 hours! 6 hours of not sleeping! 6 hours of replaying movies/songs/daily events in my head! I SHOULD WIN A FREAKING MEDAL.

Finally it started getting light outside, so I went to the sleeping pill bottle. Usually taking one Ambien guarantees me around 3 hours of sleep, and by then I was so frustrated I was willing to risk the possible sleeping pill hangover; however, the bottle was empty!

The frustration I felt cannot be put into words. I actually threw the bottle! I probably looked like a 3 year old throwing a tantrum, but since that is what I felt like I'm ok with the visual.

I'm hoping that the real reason I couldn't sleep last night is because my Mancandy is back in town, and since I'm a naturally high strung person anyway, maybe the fact that my boyfriend is back got me all excited like a kid on Christmas Eve.

Cross your fingers that I get over it by tonight. The only real downside to not sleeping is the WICKED headache I get. Ugh.

The strangest part about all of this: I'm not sleepy. At all. It's like I just didn't need to sleep last night.

My Top Ten Artists This Week

Dirty Projectors
Project Jenny, Project Jan
Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong
Bob Seger
Jamie Foxx
Bob Seger
Empire of the Sun
Ben Jordan
Wolf Gang
Magic Wands



Go me.

The Master and Marguerita

Really good book, and seems to have gone MYSTERIOUSLY MISSING when CALEE left town....

I said you should read it, meaning go buy your own copy, not you should read it so here take it to California! I'm never going to see it again!

You owe me a new copy for my birthday.

p.s. you and andrew have the same birthday. I think.

I don't know.
I'm an awful sister/girlfriend.


Mancandy is FINALLY coming back to town tonight. Last week I worked almost 50 hours because I was keeping myself so busy. I picked up extra shifts and stayed late and tried to make myself exhausted so that I would spend as little time moping as possible. I think it worked, and now my paycheck is gonna be sweet.

The only downside is- I thought the whole license thing would be taken care of for sure this week because a payment confirmation fax was sent; however, it turns out they don't give a CRAP about faxes or who you spoke to or what you did. If the average wait time is 6-8 weeks, they'll make you wait 6-8 weeks. And if you call four times in one day to try to find out what is going on, they'll "accidentally" disconnect you two or three times or however long until you give up and stop calling.

Not kidding.

The California court/tax board officials have won. They made me cry with their awful telephone manners and red tape and hoops. The hoops! THE HOOPS. I've given up. I have to wait, just like everyone else. Once the payment gets processed, it will be sent to the courts (who will take weeks to process it) then sent to the DMV (who will take weeks to process it) then I get to go in and take a written test for my Utah driver's license.

I'm exhausted and sad and frustrated and annoyed and becoming seriously unhinged due to all of this.

Music Lovers

I posted a video of a wonderful DJ that remixes Disney movies, including a song called "alice" that is absolutely beautiful.

I put that song on my Sammy's playlist and was playing it at work, and some guy ran up going "Is this Pogo? HOW DO YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS?!" and then we jumped up and down and had a special moment because of how random it was.

It's different when someone is like "wow you like ratatat?" and they feel all special, because ratatat is a widely appreciated artist. But when you find someone who knows a 17 yr old Australian DJ by name and song...that is special.

New albums to get:

Regina Spektor
The Dodos
Phoenix

Books to read:
In Cold Blood
The Master and Marguerita
Stephen Colbert's latest

Drink water, not soda.
Have blueberries for breakfast, and ice cream for dinner.
Work 8 hours and then walk home.

Buy too much chapstick and pens. You always lose them.

p.s. calee is in town and sleeping on the chair in my room downstairs. How can she do that? I'm playing music and typing and the lights are on. I SO WISH I had the power to nap like that. Jealousy.

No Subject

Work work work

This is how I'm dealing with missing Andrew: keeping myself nice and busy. I closed the past two nights at Sammy's, I'm closing again tonight, oh and did I mention I'm working tomorrow night as well? SOMEONE needs a raise...cough cough...Sam I know you read my blog.

I have my day job. I'm trying to finalize my housing for fall and get my hands on a Utah License. I want to finish the book I'm reading before Andrew gets home.

And if I don't clean my house, no one will.

Oh and I'm trying to decide if school in the fall is the best idea. I'll have to take out a student loan (which is scary and completely new territory to me) and try to shove work into my class schedule. And if I don't have a license by then...oh man I don't even want to think about that.

The good news is, my hair looks pretty great today. So I have that.

So I walk into work...

...and there is a massive beast in my general desk area. It is Sunny Bear, the dog that my boss decided to bring to work today and have hang out in my corner.

Not only is Sunny Bear huge (I think he's a really fat golden retriever) but he must be slowly dying. I happened to have a golf ball in my purse (from my day-long golfing trip in Wasatch) and when I threw it, he did nothing. Do dogs just not like golf balls? I'm pretty sure that as a dog (especially a golden RETRIEVer) you are bound by dog laws to love any and every spherical object which can be thrown, and must run and fetch like it's made out of gold and baby angels; otherwise, you must chew off your own legs. Dog law. Look it up.

This dog is failing at life. And he has a bandana tied around his neck, which makes the other dogs tease him. Even though this dog is not entertaining at all, he IS causing quite the hilarious reaction around here.

All of the construction men seem particularly excited that he is here, and can't help but call out to him as if he just proposed and they can't believe it.

huge construction man covered in dirt yelling in girly voice: "OH MY GOSH SUNNY BEAR!"
another huge construction man: "SUNNY BEAR You are the best!!"

Hahahahahahah

I am not a phone person

I am not a phone person, as anyone in my family will tell you, and it has recently become a problem because my boyfriend is in Mexico for another week.

Sweet man that he is, he deals with it well (for the most part.) Sometimes I hear myself getting SO IRRATIONAL. Like I am suffering from some serious crazy-mouth, in a way I've never experienced in a relationship before.

I'm stressed about money and work and moving and school, and I miss him, and I hate him for being in Mexico without me, and it all comes out like this:

me: "hey whats up"
him: "hey I miss you"
me: "I AM SO UGLY AND YOU DON'T LOVE ME AND CRY CRY CRY"

Not kidding. I am that girl.

The best thing I've Heard/Seen in a while

So I've been a big fat music failure these days. I went from listening to/discovering music for an average of 3 hours a day, to not getting any new music at all. So now I'm bored with all my music, but I don't have the patience to find stuff that really stands out to me anymore.

That's why I was so happy when I saw these. Not only are they beautiful music videos, but they are mash-ups (one of my favorite genres) of old disney movies! So pretty! I think I like the Mary Poppins one more. Enjoy!

"He's so funky.....I'll never be hip"

To quote myself:

"The sooner I realize that nothing falls into your lap around here, the better. If I was a dancer, I'm sure I'd get hit by a bus and be paralyzed from the waist down. Since I love blogging, maybe my hands will get chopped off? Or something equally depressingly poetic? I wouldn't put it past you, you wily fates! You demon witches playing with the string of my mortal life! Those giant aliens playing marbles with my universe! WITNESS MY SHAME, OMNISCIENT BEINGS! AND PLEASE, SEND MORE MEN."

OH MY GOSH NATURE

Public Whatnot

Soooooo I went a little overboard with my last post because I was upset, and ended up sharing a litttllle too much information about a relationship squabble than what is considered internet-appropriate. (so I deleted the post)

BUT- I'm glad I posted it in the first place.

I ended up getting some really quality advice.

So thanks. You know who you are.

My sisters and I are soooo in sync

So I was going to blog about two things today: how freaking awkward I am after years of being a party-goer and flirt, and how I need to start going to the gym again so I need gym-goer advice.

Strangely enough, two of my sisters have blogged about those EXACT TOPICS!

Nikki just started working out again! Way to go!

Kristina is retardedly awkward!! No way me too!

I'll just throw in a few things I'd mention on the side
FIRST
-What gym do I choose? How expensive should I expect it to be? Is it cheaper if you sign up with another person? I'm pretty sure I could get the mancandy to go in on it with me.
AND SECOND
-Why am I so awkward? I used to know about EVERY party that happened. I had get-togethers to attend EVERY NIGHT. Literally every night. My mondays were some of the craziest nights I've ever had. You know WHY I'm so awkward? I have a serious boyfriend.

Granted, having a boyfriend doesn't automatically make you antisocial; however, this is the longest relationship I've EVER had (going on 4 months!) and it is still taking some getting used to. That means I have to change alot of my basic behaviors, and since I really don't want to screw it up I'm walking on eggshells in social situations.

This is how I was when we first started dating:
"What? I have to take another person's life into consideration? I can't just pick up and move whenever I want? I can't get free meals out of random boys because I'm such an amazing flirt? I can't be best friends with my ex boyfriend?"

I always thought some things were legitimately ok, and that if a guy had a problem with it he was being a baby. It turns out, though, that in a mature relationship:
-you just DON'T flirt (not if you can help it)
-you NEVER leave the state without telling someone
-and aside from a random text here and there, talking with your ex is not cool.

Some of those things may seem like common sense, but my longest relationship prior to this one was two months long, and I knew it wasn't going anywhere so I did whatever the crap I wanted.

Not only is this one lasting longer than usual, but it's actually healthy, fun and challenging all at once.

Yaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy :)

Assisting, Personally.

So I have two jobs: Sammy's, a burger place in Provo where I make sweet tips and work my butt off til 3 am every weekend, and Complete Restoration, a restoration company in orem where I am an assistant for the owner.

My second job pays alot better than my first; however, I am seriously fighting the urge to quit. I work only 4 hours a day there, 5 days a week, and I get off at 1 so I have the rest of the day to do what I want. Kristina will work upstairs for another week or so until she moves back to San Diego, so it's fun to see her. Even though it's in Orem I have a boyfriend who drives me everywhere (that is, when he isn't in Mexico). And my boss is pretty laid back and doesn't give me very much to do. I'm at my job right now, as I blog this.

BUT....and there is a but....I HATE not doing ANYTHING. I HATE leaving work feeling unfulfilled. Sure, Sammy's is a huge pain in the butt sometimes because I work my tail off and feel like it goes unappreciated, but at least I leave knowing I worked my tail off. I can go home and sleep the deep sleep of a woman who just worked her tail off. I cash my sadly small paycheck with pride. But this job? This assistant job?

I leave each day feeling kind of like a failure. It's not like I'm a slacker- I do everything that is asked of me. I even clean and chat up the incredibly boring people who work here- two things definitely NOT in my job description.


You know what I do when it gets this boring? Look on the right side of this page. Scroll down to a list of websites that looks like this:

* A Softer World
* Post Secret
* Television Without Pity
* Making Fiends
* Pocketful of Stars
* Free Rice

Click on Pocketful of Stars.

Enjoy.

I haven't been anywhere

Nikki and Calee both went to Japan. My mom just went to China. My dad went to Italy on his mission. Kristina and Calee went to England. Nikki went to Cancun or Cabo or somewhere like that on her honeymoon. Kristina and mom went to New York. Calee went to Mexico with my cousins. Nikki did cheer competitions all over the place. My boyfriend is about to go to Mexico (again) for another two weeks, not to mention the fact that he has been all over Europe (twice. and once by himself.)

I get really upset when I think about how I have never been anywhere. Part of it is being poor, part of it is bad timing. If I had never had this whole license fiasco, then I would have had ID so I could get my passport, which means I could have gone to England with Kristina and Calee AND I would've gone to Mexico with my boyfriend's family last time.

I want to experience culture shock! I want to see things I've only seen in pictures! I want to go somewhere strange, like Fez, and just hang out for a few months. "Hey brooke where have you been?" "oh just making pots in Fez." I WANT TO BE ABLE TO SAY THAT.

I really want to GO somewhere for my birthday this year. Anywhere. New York, Chicago, Miami. I almost don't care. The only places I've been are Idaho, Nevada, Utah, CA, and crappy northern Mexico.

I NEED TO STOP FEELING BAD FOR MYSELF AND JUST MAKE IT HAPPEN ALREADY.
If you want to donate to the "Traveling Brooke Fund" please mail in cash.

Nightmares

Last night I fell asleep while watching a movie with Mancandy, and I woke up three or four times in tears and sitting straight up. According to him, I'd start breathing really hard and making choking sounds and then he would wake me up because he was so freaked out.

We were watching a comedy, so there was no reason for me to be getting such terrifying night vibes.

Really bizarre.

Because of the freaky dreams, I got around 4 hours of sleep last night. It's days like today that are the hardest: I closed the night before (7 hour shift, ending at 1 am) I didn't get any sleep and now I have to come to this ridiculously boring job that I'm actually really lucky to have.

I can't relax after I'm off the clock today, either. I'm going house hunting for a place to live in the fall, then I'll probably clean and run errands.

OH p.s. HERE IS SOMETHING RIDICULOUS: I won't have my license for another 6-8 WEEKS. Why, do you ask? Well the state takes forever to process payment. Then they send it to the court who also takes forever. Then they send it to the DMV who also takes forever and they don't even tell you when you qualify for a retest. So not only do I have to wait forever, but I have to wait forever and then call the DMV every day until they say I can come in and get a Utah license.

That plus the fact that Andrew is going to Mexico for two weeks (leaving on Friday) really made for a crap day.

So if you live in the Provo area and feel like taking my boyfriend's place as my own personal cabbie (ethnic chit chat included) then come on doooowwwnnn!

7-11 was this weekend

Oh, Mancandy.

You are silly and you make everything better. Except for when you get stubborn, then you make everything way too difficult. But...we are working on that.

These are the pens I have stolen from my boss so far. I've been stealing them one at a time for a few weeks now, and I'm wondering how long until he notices he has no pens. I take a few of them home so I don't have a suspicious amount of pens on my desk. What? Is my job boring, you ask? Why would you ask something like that? Oh right...I'm stealing pens for my own sick satisfaction.

This is my constant temptation at work. I think I've spent like ten bucks in quarters on this bad boy.


Was anyone outside yesterday? It was hot, like 85 or so, and then it started raining! It was so bizarre but pretty at once. It created this monster rainbow.

Did you know on July 11th you can get free Slurpees at 7-11? Now you do.

I had so much fun being a bum this weekend! I had work at Sammy's on Friday and Saturday night, but the rest of the time I was being a lazy bum and enjoying time with the mancandy.