Oh heeeeeyyy

So I'm still alive, barely. I have some sort of weird throat infection and now that I'm intensely medicated and know what's going on I feel a little better.

Even though I complain alot about my job(s) on this blog, I'm incredibly blessed with some laid-back, flexible employers. Talk about amazing. I've missed this whole week of work and I know I'll be able to jump back into all of it without skipping a beat.

NOW FOR SOME NEWS....

Despite having JUST moved into my new place...guess who is considering moving to Idaho?
Me.

reasons:

I haven't registered for classes at BYU Provo yet.

I don't like living in the same place for too long ( I get antsy)

There will be a Sammy's in Rexburg and I'd love to be there to watch it grow into the freakin' legit place it is in Provo

Kristina is going, and I'm not sure if you knew this but Kristina is pretty awesome to live with. She's a go-getter and all around awesome example, and typically cooks pretty awesome food a regular basis.

I've never lived there before, and who knows? Maybe freezing weather and killer winds are right up my alley.

BYUI classes are easier. Awful slacker reason to move, I know, especially when I've been blessed with a brain that remembers almost anything it reads, but hey. I'm a slacker.


reasons NOT to go

-dear mancandy. how can I be without him?

-i JUST moved in, I feel like I'm just getting used to Provo and making good friends

-It is freaking COLD in Idaho

-Kristina is kind of a slob sometimes.

-Roadtrips to California would be almost completely out of the question. I'm so anti-driving.

-Moving in a huge pain in the butt.

-BYU is better for English majors.



thoughtsss?

sick

sick sick sick.
i'm not leaving my bed today.

Workman

There is a man in my office who chugs proteins shakes and eats 12 meals a day. The meals include steak, according to the delicious smell wafting through the office.

This guy cooks, all day every day, and it TORTURES ME. And I know it has to torture everyone else, too! It smells sooooo gooooddddd...uuuuuuhhhhh i want itttttttt.....

I can tell I'm getting sick and it terrifies me.

I'm working all day, maybe packing a little, then I'm moving tomorrow and working tomorrow night. Then school starts next week. I can't get sick right now! I can't!


Is it just me or did this year speed by?

FREE SHOW TONIGHT

So I closed last night and the night before that at Sammy's, and I'm also closing Friday and Saturday, so I'm taking it at a huge sign from God that my ONE free night happens to be the same night that........

One of my top 5 favorite bands of all time IRON&WINE is playing for FREE in Salt Lake!

They're playing with Okkervil River, who I am less than excited about, but still.

So bring a date, two water bottles, your camera, and a bag of snacks. BAM.


You're welcome.

Moves

I've moved 5 or so times in the past 2 years, and I think I'm finally over it.

Yes I enjoy being a tumbleweed, but I also enjoy having money. Moving is expensive. If you stay in the same place for longer than 6 months you might actually be able to afford to go somewhere cool, not just have enough money to pay for the gas to get to your new location.

I went from BYU to my parents home in Escondido, to my apartment in San Diego, to bumming it around San Francisco for a week or two, to Lincoln with Nikki, then back to Provo, UT.

I'm tired just typing it.
Actually I'm tired because I got like 3 hours of sleep last night.

With my day job and night job there is very little time for my mancandy (usually a 4 hour gap in between is filled with chores/errands/appointments) so when I come home and he needs affection in the form of doing laundry together and watching a movie, how can I say no?

The less sleep I get, the more I can visualize myself saying no.
Tonight will probably have less bonding, and more packing/cleaning.

Hurrah.

UPDATE: Guy-who-never-works-just-makes-awkward-chit-chat just asked some random guy in the waiting area if he was from Samoa. The guy said "no...chicago."
The guy is kind of tan...I'm guessing that's why he asked? It was the most awkward chit chat yet.

SECOND UPDATE: Mancandy had flowers for me when he picked me up from the airport. Awwwwwww.

Boom, baby!

Hey lovers, I'm back.

Sorry I just kinda jetted out of here without much warning. I was in San Diego bidding Kristina farewell, since she is now living back home and won't be here to make me food or pay my bills and make me laugh.

Kristina was one of my friends, and since I only have three or four it's a big deal that she no longer lives here.

And it's nuts that I'm now the only one in Utah. I've had people ask why, and why won't I move back home, or blah blah blah. The truth is I like Provo. I think it's cute. And I love BYU. Love it.

San Diego was fun! I went kayaking and sailing with some friends in Oceanside Harbor, and there were sea lions swimming right up next to us! Sea lions are freaking huge and scary, I realized. I looove kayaking. I feel like I could be really good at it.

A few times crap happened (my moms car running out of gas, an incredibly epic hearts tournament) that kept me out of the house till the wee hours of the night, and I know it made my parents crazy.

I get in this super elusive mood sometimes when I'm back down there. I'll do everything you can possibly do in one day, then in the next i'll just sit home and read for hours and hours and there is nothing you can humanly do to get me out of the house.

Weird.
That place makes me weird.

But now I'm back in Provo, feeling normal, but lonely in this big empty townhouse. I'm moving to my new place in a bit. Wish me luck and decent carpeting.

lovelove
Brooke

Exhausted

I can say with confidence that this is the 2nd hardest I've ever worked in my life. The first hardest was when I lived in Sacramento, worked full time, and hung out with two little girls whilst dealing with lots of emotional baggage (my own and otherwise).

Even though this point in my life is only the 2nd hardest, it's still freaking hard. Even if I took off tomorrow and went to San Diego with Kristina (which I might) I'd still have had 40 hours of work done.

It's the first weekend I've gotten off from Sammy's in.... ever. So, I should take advantage of that, right?

If I don't go to San Diego, I'll probably move into my new place this weekend. Clean. Get all the OCD things I need to get done finished before I have to move and have it bother me forever.


For now, I had 4 hours of sleep last night and I am closing Sammy's again tonight. I need to finish up what I need to at the office and then go home and SLEEP. Maybe, if I'm feeling really crazy, I'll even shave my legs.

Madness.

Feelinnnnn' mediocre

I just wrote, then rewrote, then rewrote again a blog entry.

All different topics, all the same vibe: hostile.



I'll hold off on the blogging for today. Tomorrow will be happier, I promise.


for now: don't gossip. breathe. appreciate other people's time.

Hey guys

Have you ever been so overwhelmed that you find yourself speaking and walking in slow motion.

Thats what today has been.


I'm losing my voice and my headaches are getting worse and there is a whole lot going on.


This post just took me fifteen minutes to type because everything is sooo slooooww.

Istanbul to Athens

SO! BIG NEWS!

I've been telling myself forever that the SECOND I get my license I will run out and get a passport. Why would someone do that, you ask? Because in the past six months I've been invited to England, Mexico, and the Dominican Republic. If I miss out on one more trip I'm going to jump in front of a bus.

Then, my roommate Kayla and I had a brilliant idea: let's plan a trip for the spring. We'll get off school, we'll jump on a plane, we'll go from Istanbul to Athens in 12 days.

And guess what?

We're really doing it.

Granted, the budget is incredibly tight. I can barely afford car insurance, let alone plane tickets. However- I need a freaking vacation.

Haha I know I know...poor me being young and fortunate enough to have 2 jobs and going to the university of my choice. I live a charmed, healthy, blessed life. I'm willing to work my butt off to make this happen, though. And it really is going to.

When school starts I'll be taking all night classes so that I can work full time during the day. I'm going to be scheduled Saturdays at Sammy's and then be the #1 on call person for rushes or emergencies.

NOW WHERE YOU COME IN:
I've never traveled internationally. Help! Plane tickets? Buses/ferries? Hotels vs. hostels? Tour guides vs. tour books? I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm determined and smart and young. Help me out.

Green-Eyed Brooke

I've never had a jealousy problem. Yes, I'd react poorly to certain things (ie talking to an old girlfriend and not telling me, openly staring at another girl, etc) but I think I'm totally justified in reacting poorly to those. I've never suffered from paranoia or fear or extreme insecurity. I didn't even know how common in relationships those feelings are, simply because people are jerks and if you've been cheated on once then you feel like you'll get cheated on over and over- no matter how illogical it is and how much you KNOW that your current boyfriend/girlfriend loves you.

Having had only one quasi-cheating experience (we weren't officially dating, but it turns out he was officially dating someone ELSE. Since I was 17 and it was only for 1 month I don't really count it) I wouldn't say I'm one of those people who have been damaged and thus have baggage that makes jealousy an issue; yet, it has become an issue.

I'm not sure where these new feelings of ugly ugly jealousy are coming from...

OH WAIT.
Yes I do.

(I'm going to blog about this because I have a super awesome history of blogging about things that are incredibly inappropriate; however, since I'm not a phone person this is how my loved ones keep up with me. Just act like we're talking on the phone and all this verbal vomit jealousy crap is coming out of my mouth and not off of my blog.)

Here's how all of this started:

I have issues with any and all girls that find themselves saying "well I just don't have giiirl friends. All my friends are boys for some reason I don't even know why!! It's, like, so weird. I just never make friends with girls."

Do you want to know why, girl-who-is-just-so-laid-back-she-only-relates-to-boys? It's one of 2 things:

1-Girls don't want to be friends with YOU. Not the other way around. Whether that is because you pushed them away, or because just because you have a crap personality, I'll let you decide.(Ten bucks on crap personality)

2-You're a slut. I know I know, kinda harsh. Guess what? Also kinda true. And when I say kinda I mean totally true. Of course you're only friends with guys- they fix your car and buy you lunch and always make time for you. It's not because they love your sparkling personality. Shocking. This may have caused reason #1.

I promise you've heard a girl say this before. You've probably said it yourself. If you've said it recently, take a good hard look at what you are doing that is creating such a barrier between you and your ladies.

Boys are easier to befriend, yes, but does that mean they made BETTER friends?

I know for a fact that NOTHING beats having a mom available for a playdate when you've been up all night, you are sick of being stuck in your house and you'd rather jump off a bridge than play hide and go seek with your kids one more time. I know for a fact that when it comes right down to it NO GUY can listen to you cry about the same problem so many times without saying something insensitive and making it worse(maybe the first few he'll be sympathetic, but it takes a girl attitude to understand why you can't just get over it already, it's been 4 months for crying out loud).

I know for a fact that I really haven't cared about girls who say this so much, until I met one that was "bff's" with my boyfriend.

Ugh.
Seriously?
Constant texting/website commenting/inside-joke referencing/old picture posting= totally VALID jealousy and annoyance. Right? PLEASE GO MAKE FRIENDS WITH GIRLS. Heck, I'd be your friend if you'd just back up off the Mancandy a bit.

sheesh.

(p.s. if you couldn't tell....jealousy makes me so ugly. don't judge. sympathize. she is way hot.... and it makes me sad.)
(p.p.s. for all those literal-readers out there, my eyes are blue.)

Fatty

Soo....
I used to be a bit thicker.

I believe the all time high weight was 186lbs, at a height of 5'6'' or so. These days I'm usually around 145lbs, at one inch taller. Needless to say, the difference is kind of obvious.

Kristina (my sister, who blogs here with my other sister Calee) made me a picture calendar a couple of years ago for my birthday, which includes a few precious gems that my Mancandy hadn't ever seen.

He was flipping through, looking at old pictures, and I KNEW it was coming: the one picture from the 4th of July, where my hair is long and golden brown, I'm 40 lbs heavier than I am today, and I'm wearing so much make up I could be mistaken for a man.

I didn't stop him. I wanted to SO BAD, but I didn't. I knew it was coming, and I always thought that the worst possible reaction would be laughter.

It turns out the worst possible reaction is TOTAL SILENCE.

He stopped on that exact picture. I could see the cogs in his mind turning and piecing together the fact that the curvy girl in the picture and the woman he is dating are the same person.

Before I go on:
I really don't see myself as that person anymore. I eat what I want when I want, and I don't stress out about it. I used to think I was just a bigger person in a brief period of being thin (because I used to weigh 10 lbs less than I am now, run 3 miles a day, and lived off of yogurt and cereal) but now I've settled into a nice middle ground. I'm not skinny, I'm not fat, I'm comfortable. It's bizarre and obviously not healthy to have experienced both extremes in a matter of just 3 years, but hey. There are very few healthy things about me and my life (in the past 3 years, especially).

Finally, after a few moments, he kissed me and laughed.
It wasn't that bad.
I laughed too.

Returned Missionaries

Hello all.

So a few days ago a good friend of mine returned from his mission! This is a friend that I met up at BYU, we dated for around a month, then broke it off; however, we wrote to one another consistently the whole time he was gone. I swear his letters were the ONLY social thing I did while I was in Sacramento. I really feel like they made my entire week better.

I remember one day when I worked at Jamba from 6AM-3PM, then went and picked up the girls from daycare, played, made dinner, put them to bed, cleaned the kitchen, took a shower, and finally at the end of the day checked the mail. There was a letter from Alex, and I was suddenly in such a good mood.

Don't get me wrong- these weren't lovey letters at all. It was just nice getting a letter with good stories, sometimes a hilarious movie or book reference, and always a spiritual boost.

Last night we spoke on the phone and I swear NOTHING has changed. I'm sure that's just because it was over the phone and very brief, but still it was bizarre.

I'm excited for school in the fall- the semester of awkwardly running into a million boys I've dated and haven't seen in 2 years. Woo!

Paranoid

I don't know about you guys, but I'm always a little medically paranoid. My back hurts, I think it's my kidneys. I smell something weird, I think I have a tumor, etc etc.

Recently I've been getting this migraines that come on strong and fast, and make me stop what I'm doing and cradle my head. Usually I think this kind of thing wouldn't freak me out soooo much (since I'm not the best sleeper and sleep-related headaches are common) but I totally GAVE MYSELF A CONCUSSION LAST NIGHT.

I was messing around in the fridge, forgot that I had left the freezer door on top open, and then stood up (really fast) slamming the side of my skull into the door.

I then fell directly onto the ground (not kidding. hit the floor) and it wasn't until 5 minutes later (when Mancandy came in and freaked out because he thought I was dead) that I finally moved again.

How worried should I be right now? I'm not like falling over or dizzy or anything, and I woke up this morning so that's a good sign. But the headache! Holy cow! I can't be in sunlight or speak loudly or work out, because it feels like there is a watermelon taped to my forehead, only the watermelon is made of spikes and teeth.

GOOD NEWS:

I HAVE A LICENSE. I drove to work today! Oh my gosh!


Good thing my license picture is me at 17, pre-40 lb weightloss and mid-make up experimentation.

Also: I'm in one of those phases where I'm over-excited about books and end up reading like twelve at once. In Cold Blood, The Ontology of Humor, The Book of Mormon, The Miracle of Forgiveness, and a book about Patriarchal Blessings that I can't quite remember the title of right now.

I'm almost done with In Cold Blood, but I've gotta tell you that the transition into church literature is bizarre. This book is completely disturbing, and considered nonfiction, so everything I'm reading is real and creepy. Then switching over to 3rd Nephi, with little to no segue time.....

Some people would say hey Brooke, just don't read such creepy books. But it is a classic. And the way it is written is beautiful and delightful and I LOVE such high quality writing.

For some people it's "classic" movies. They will watch the Godfather on a Sunday night. For me, it's books. Poe, Palahniuck, Capote: hands down terrifying authors, but so good. I can't help myself.

UPDATE: My boss just gave me back something I had typed up for him. I was talking about a group of estimators and their needs. He circled the word "their" and wrote in huge red letters, "THERE"

wow.

Car

So I got my car fixed- only about $150 so not bad, still rough for a college kid.

Of course, my digital camera broke today. And my Kindle is still dead.

Good news: my fish is still alive somehow. Betas are incredible. I can't tell you how much I love this fish, when I really think about it. When I lived in Sacramento I would talk to him more than I talked to normal people. Ryah and Taylen almost killed him multiple times, and he survived a drive from Sacramento to Utah.

I would say that he is just a fish, and if he died I wouldn't care. But this fish loves me. When i go out of town and make Kristina feed him, he doesn't eat. He will stay in the bottom of his bowl and be afraid. Part of this is because he is used to be talking and singing to music so much that he likes to come out and look at movement. Kristina would just throw the food in there and walk away, leaving him in a cold dark room and he wouldn't come out to see what was going on.

The other part of this...is because we are in love.

The-Venus-de-Milo-Inspires-Me (Jr.) goes by Milo for short, and he will never leave me. Because I keep him in a bowl.

For those of you needing the secret to a happy relationship, there it is. Keep him in a bowl.

Last night

My car died at a gas station and I wanted to cry. If that thing has officially passed on DAYS before I have a license within my grasp, I will know for a fact that God hates me and wants me to be frustrated and helpless all day every day.