Bully

I was teased as a kid. All throughout elementary school and into middle school. In high school it was more subtle backstabbing and gossip and drama. You know how it is.

I was the girl that got "fake asked" to the prom by a popular boy and then relentlessly teased after because "there's no way he'd actually ask YOU to the dance."

Yes that really happened to me.

My junior year in high school I was 5'5'' and 196 lbs. I was one good burrito away from breaking 200.

Today I was thinking about how different I am now. I grew 2 inches, I dropped 50 lbs, and I actually take care of myself physically and put effort into how I look.

You know what was greatest blessing/realization from that change?

Looking "better" didn't improve anything.

I used to think "if only I was skinny then I could do this and people would treat me like this and this would be different and blah blah," which is total bull.

Nothing changed! All my same fears and insecurities were still there. The same guys are dicks, whether they are teasing you for being fat or trying to grab your butt because you are "hot." The same girls are your best friend no matter what. The same girls will hate you and gossip, whether it's about how giant your thighs are or to make up rumors that you got skinny because you started doing coke.

For the first 17 years of my life I really thought being skinny would be the answer. Well guess what? I've been skinny for about 6 years now and all I've learned is that there is always going to be a "skinny" for me. Whether it's "if I have this job," or "if I had this boyfriend," etc. etc. etc.

It's all bull.
Every day I just have to try my very best and that's literally all that matters. How I look, if I have piercings or tattoos or perfect skin or a shaved head.

IT's INSANE to me how many women are driven by a "physical belief system" without even knowing it. I'm sure it's so subtle and destructive it's still inside me without ME even knowing it.

Anyways, there ya go.

I'm awesome and beautiful. So are you. Whether you have a zit or a cute baby or an awesome haircut, it doesn't matter.

You are absolutely gorgeous and I hope you can look in the mirror and say that to yourself right now.