I'm not freaking out

Are you freaking out? I'm not. Ok I am a little bit.

I haven't slept in a bit. Its been a combined total of five hours for three days or so. Thats what the past two weeks have been like. A sleeping struggle.

Luckily I'm going to see a doctor tomorrow who will hopefully chat me up and give me a prescription.

You'd think not sleeping would be awesome- I get so much work done, right? Wrong. Unfortunately this has not been hyper active, i-feel-on-top-of-the-world insomnia. It's been unsettled, terribly tiring, I can't even put my shoes on without feeling exhausted insomnia. Not only that but I feel incredibly overwhelmed at the smallest things, and I can't follow conversations like normal people. I find myself saying "What?" or "Who?" or (as calee can attest to) "wait you're talking about me flying home THIS saturday?"

That's right folks. I'm going home to Escondido. Part of me is stoked because Provo has been rough on me so far and I miss my family. The other part of me is less than stoked because I know that this insomnia is turning in to a problem, its a symptom of a mental disorder, and I don't feel like stressing out my family. And I have three midterms next week; however, since I haven't been to class this week, and I couldn't focus in class LAST week, I'm pretty confident that a three day getaway isn't really going to hurt me.

Feeling a little defeated. Hopefully this weekend will be a big pep talk. NO STRESS, PEOPLE. YOU HEAR ME FAMILY? NO STRESS. EVERYTHING IS AWESOME. POSITIVE THOUGHTS.

FYI the REAL reason for going home this weekend is that my sister Calee is a huge fan of my face and thinks I should audition for America's Next Top Model. I always responded to that idea with "I'm too short. Sorry."

THIS YEAR, however, they are taking models 5'7'' and under. Guess who is 5'7''? Yours truly. Since Calee pretty much caught me in a trap by calling me and asking "Why'd you say you'd never do ANTM, again?" and then going "HA! THEY ARE TAKING SHORT MODELS NOW YOU HAVE TO DO IT AND I'LL EVEN BUY YOUR PLANE TICKET" I felt like I had to give in.

I'm making her audition with me.

Worst case scenario, we don't get far at all. Who cares. Anyone remember nikki and I tried out for American Idol? We didn't get far at all, but it was still fun. We totally reminisced about it today. I enjoy bonding with my sisters, and what better way than through reality television?

Next year Kristina and I will do Project Runway.