Scary Story- Final Draft

I finished the scary story I gave you guys a sneak peek on a while back. I don't think it is as scary when it all makes sense, but I couldn't turn in just a mindless psychopath story. It had to have some sort of meaningful plot. Sorry. hahah.

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The latest band her roommate had “discovered” hummed behind her, and she padded barefoot on the thin blue carpet in perfect rhythm. Turning the corner towards the kitchen, one hand on the plain white wall for guidance, she stared into the black apartment hallway and passed the three doors of her roommates in silence. Once she felt cold, gritty linoleum under her small square toes, she reached up and flicked the switch without having to feel for it first.
There, on the left of the kitchen bar which separated it from the entryway, stood a man of 6’4’’ or so.
Fifteen seconds passed with neither of them speaking, each one making the girl, 5’5’’ and 120 lbs, more aware of his size. He did not move or look directly at her; instead, he studied the pantry with wide brown eyes.
“Is, uh, Natalie here?” he asked in a voice too young for someone who looked at least 30.
“No one named Natalie lives here,” she replied evenly, taking in his height and weight, and factoring in his wind resistance mixed with her self defense classes.
“Ha! Oh!” he chuckled, “I’m so sorry!” He smiled an expensive, beautiful smile, gazed blankly at the pantry, then turned and was gone.
After he left the apartment, she immediately walked to the door, locked it, and turned to stare at the living room window. Their apartment was at the end of a hallway, the light of which was always on. This window, even with the blinds closed, alerted them of any guests coming or going with an obvious shadow.
--
Earlier that day the girl, Kate, had been standing in the same place in the kitchen, hands on hips, regarding the space with indignation. Where could it be, she wondered in annoyance. Her habit of losing her phone was costing her very important social opportunities.
Outside, one of her roommates, Aubrey, was leaning against the front door, sweating and shaking. After two deep breaths, she walked in and saw Kate.
“Hey girl,” she called out casually, with a slight tremor in her voice.
“Aubrey what happened to your forehead?” Kate said in a solemn whisper, pointing up at her face. Her skin was swelling and bleeding around a thick red dent under her platinum hairline, something she hadn’t felt or noticed.
“Oh, that?” was her light response as she touched her yellow leather gloves to the red liquid on her face, “That should teach you to never take me to the batting cages. Stupid boys thinking I enjoy sports.” She laughed in a high, pulsing pitch, but her expression was hollow and lifeless. Kate noticed the bruising on her collarbone but said nothing.
“Aren’t you missing class right now?”
“Geeze, lady, you stalking me or something?” she smiled and pushed Kate gently. “Knock on my door if you feel like making me food.” Back in her room, she began sucking in great heaves of air and pulling off her gloves. She rushed into her bathroom and began washing the blood from underneath each fingernail.
--
That morning Aubrey had paced the poorly decorated living room, occasionally peeking out and heaving an impatient sigh. She was waiting for her ride to take her to school, since she hated driving in snow and she was only one more ticket away from getting her license revoked.
“Any more screw ups and we’re pulling your funding,” her step father had decreed before the semester, his style of speaking to her always awkward and formal. Even though he’d been married to her mother for two years now, he was still using terms like ‘pulling your funding,’ like he was a benefactor, not a stepdad. Just thinking about him made her want to blast sludge metal and wear her skull&bones t-shirt to church. Ten more minutes passed without her ride arriving or answering his phone. After changing into a Mastadon t-shirt and pocketing her iPod, she snatched keys off the bar and walked out into the dirty snow.
--
He is holding his fiancee’s hand that same afternoon, pushing the ring he gave her back and forth over her delicate knuckle and showing almost every perfect tooth in his mouth. “You know that was my grandmother’s ring,” he says proudly. His grandmother was so relieved he was actually getting married, she offered it as early inheritance. Staring at the perfect woman before him, he can’t believe he waited so long. “I love you, Andrew.” He bends his tall frame to kiss her perfect, pouting mouth.
--
Andrew had been sitting there, on the other side of the street when it happened. He was supposed to pick her up after she had finished her daily seven mile circuit . He sat, in his car, smiling as she appeared from behind a bend. He watched the car sliding around the curve and hit her. He couldn’t move or shout. He sat in silence and watched the driver do the same. A tall blonde got out, and he wordlessly moaned as she moved the small, limp body into a nearby alley.
He got out and ran. Her broken frame was rolled onto one side beside a pile of cardboard boxes. Her skin was still warm, still soft. He sobbed apologies into her chest.
“oh god, I could have stopped it… oh my god.” He stared into the gravel next to his knees and immediately recalled the parking sticker for an apartment complex five minutes from there. He would find her, and after that, would find anyone that she loved.
--
Having noticed she was going to be ten minutes late for class, Aubrey pushed the pedal to the floor of the car. Skidding around a corner, she screamed out in harmony with the Nordic melodic deathmetal playing from her speakers.
It felt like she didn’t even notice the body flying away from her until after she hit it. The screaming lyrics had drowned out the young jogger’s cry as she had flailed in front of Aubrey’s bumper. Sitting and staring out of the left window, she looked breathlessly at the white sweater, now covered in dirt and blood, holding the body of girl her age. She had rolled the side of the car and stopped when she hit the curb.
Aubrey had no choice. No more license. No more car. No more life. The police would take away her right to drive and her stepdad would pull her out of school.
Stumbling out of the car, she ran clumsily towards the lifeless girl and didn’t even notice the sparkling new ring on her left hand.
--
That night, still staring at the window, Kate was again unintentionally holding her breath. At the pace he exited the apartment, a shadow should have passed by now. She held her face up to the peephole and saw nothing but an empty hall. Since the shadow still had not passed, and she couldn’t see him, he was still there, standing somewhere in the three foot stretch of hallway between the door and the window.
Backing away from the door, she painfully sucked the thin air into her lungs. Where is that stupid phone?! She screamed at herself and at humanity for not inventing cell phone lo-jacks. Backing away. He is still out there. No shadow on the window. She ran her hand across the bar for balance as she passed it. Suddenly the chilled linoleum floor was much colder than usual for a winter night. Lifting her feet, she realized they were damp. Two seconds after looking down, she was clutching at the kitchen bar and sagging to the ground. A thin trail of blood was leaking from the open pantry, the candy apple red color now covering her feet and the hem of her pajamas. The bottom shelf of the pantry was two feet wide and four feet thick, usually held nothing but an occasional case of water bottles. Kate’s eyes were now following the trail of blood, up to the source: Aubrey’s face was pale and relaxed, the blood from her neck covering the left cheek, bright blonde hair, and the entire floor of the pantry. Her expression was so relieved and tired that Kate was transfixed, and didn’t hear the front door opening slowly.


Author commentary: I loved writing this story. I love how dramatic it is. I wish it could’ve been a bit longer, I feel like I could’ve sucked people into the story a bit more if I had more space, but oh well. I had some trouble decided how to set it up, and switched all of the flashbacks around a million times before I decided on anything. Hopefully the dramatic “he made a vow” part doesn’t throw people off. It made me laugh out loud, but that’s just because I wrote it. I think other people reading it will really find it scary, which is what I was going for. To scare the pants off of someone.