"therapisty"

I've decided therapy is not for me anymore. No offense to therapists and counselors around the world, but you guys say some ridiculous things. Once at the very end of a session I was feeling crabby and didn't want to meet my sister for lunch (not a big deal) and this is what was said about it.

him: "so just don't go"
me: "well I'm already here I'll just get over it and go"
him: "what do you like to do for fun?"
me: "what?"
him: "what are your hobbies?"
me: "ummm...I like to sing?"
him: "sing about it. Sing out your frustrations. just get in that car and sing"

very therapisty

Therapisty: obtaining qualities of exaggerated concern, having little to no real knowledge of the client, and giving an overall feeling of a fake/stereotypical shrink.

things i dislike about really "therapisty" therapists:
1)the constant eye contact: I've had some staring contests that have lasted for a good five minutes, believe you me. It feels like they are in my personal space, even if they are three feet away. When walking down the hall to the office, they turn and look at you while walking, EVEN IF YOU ARE BEING COMPLETELY SILENT. Isn't that dangerous? Eyes ahead, people! What if you run into someone with severe obsessive compulsive disorder, who just got out of their house for therapy for the first time in THIRTEEN YEARS, and you run into them with recently cheeto-d fingers? Helloooo psychotic break.

2)the sayings. things they say in movies to mock therapists are TOTALLY REAL- people actually say these things! Like "and how did that make you feel?" and "you can get angry! get angry! hit this pillow! hit it! DO IT NOW". It totally breaks my concentration on what we were talking about and really ruins the whole conversation. I have no desire to hit you, or "tell you how I felt" when I just told you a really depressing story. Take a guess.

3)the paranoia. Sure, I go to therapy so there are obviously things to chat about; however, just because I had a bad day does not mean I'm this close to calling it quits on the whole "being alive" thing. Ask me questions, be realistic and informed, but don't get dramatic, and STOP PUTTING WORDS IN MY MOUTH. A good therapist will take what they hear and repeat it back to you with a new point of view.

My latest therapist will take what I hear and then say something like "think of me as you. I am you. You're comfortable with you, right? Ok. no one is here but you". First of all, where did that come from? Second of all, you are a middle aged man. I can't say something out loud and pretend you are me. I'm looking right at you. I just don't have the brain power to ignore that. Maybe it'd work if you weren't constantly STARING and making me feel fidgety and scared that the fidgeting is making me look manic then anxious because what if I really am manic then its hard to breathe then I get all red then you think I want to die. YOU CAUSED THIS REACTION.


psychiatrists, on the other hand, can do what I think I want. We'll sit and chat for a max of 20 minutes; how i'm feeling, my medical history, what I want, etc. I'll be able to ask him about supplements and treatment and taking control of my future, instead of talking myself blue in the face about the past. Don't get me wrong, I know its important to talk about your experiences/feelings but the majority of my problems stem from a physical illness. People who suffer from abuse or traumatic memories need therapists; people have broken limbic systems need psychiatrists. This is what I've decided. Does that sound right?

p.s. a couple of weeks ago at lunch I told one of Nikki's friends, casually, that I have manic depression. I don't think either of them knew what a huge deal that was for me. I said it out loud, and I didn't cringe or say "kinda sort of but maybe not". I said it and I owned it.

Holler.