Mancandy

For those of you looking for a full, vivid description of what caused the explosive and sparkly demise of my relationship with Mancandy, I'm sorry. You won't be getting that any time soon.


What I will say is that he screwed up, I screwed up. Bad, separate, bizarre. I forgave him, he forgave me, we tried to move on, and just couldn't do it.

Hopefully we can both get tons of therapy and come out on the other side better people. But for now...we aren't good for each other. And that's all there is to it.


The only thing that I'm concerned about really is the rage.
I've been experiencing full blown, red face, I-want-to-throw-plates anger. It layers everything I do. From how I drive to how I pray. It's not good. I've been trying to talk to my bishop about it and get some advice but that man is super popular.

I also have a therapist, which is awesome, but at the same time rough. He doesn't sugar coat ANYTHING, does not treat me like a victim, and it sucks/is good for me.


For those of you who have dealt with this kind of anger, this "wow-that-is-so-unfair-i-hate-you-and-i-hate-myself" type, let me know how you deal with it.

Besides throwing plates.
Cuz I'm running low.


edit: I was in a super peaceful place when I wrote this blog entry, but now it is just pissing me off (I told you...the anger is a problem). Honestly, I feel like Mancandy died and was replaced by a total stranger. The last two weeks have been so surreal and bizarre and....ugh. Just crappy.


That felt good.

Have a great day!

P.S. Note to self: tomorrow is your birthday. Smile. Don't play the victim. Be grateful. Smile. Cry if you need to...but then breathe, and smile.